FOLIO
Dear Dumbs,
Boy, do I have something juicy for you two.
My husband and I live in a really cool neighborhood. We’ve lived here for 15 years. About a year ago our next door neighbor sold his home. He sold it to a single woman. She’s very attractive and professional. She’s been a very good addition to our community.
She recently started dating a guy who’s been spending a lot of time at her house. Our homes are very close together and how shall I say this, she seems to have a robust sex life. The prolonged moaning, slapping, spanking and yelping have really ramped up. She is so loud that most of the surrounding homes can hear and visualize every moment.
My husband sure doesn’t seem to be complaining. LOL
Should I say something to her? I’m in an awkward position here.
Shelby W.
Ponte Vedra Beach
TERRY: This might be the first email that requires a box of tissues while reading.
SHARI: Gross.
TERRY: You’re gross.
SHARI: I married a guy who’s mentally 15 years old.
TERRY: You’re a lucky woman. Now can you stop screwing around and help this woman?
SHARI: I think there are some subtle ways to let her know her business is out there.
TERRY: But why ruin a good thing right?
SHARI: It may be possible she knows exactly what she’s doing.
TERRY: True. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that there are a lot of freaky people out there.
SHARI: And that’s a beautiful thing. But I still think this needs to be addressed.
TERRY: I agree.
SHARI: This is pretty simple Shelby. Just calmly take her aside and put a bug in her ear on how sound travels in the neighborhood.
TERRY: That’s a little passive aggressive.
SHARI: If you do it that way you get credit for trying to be cool about it. If she doesn’t pick up on the hint then you just have to come out and say, “Hey, everybody can hear your smash sessions.”
TERRY: You’re good. Hopefully she will pick up on the hint so it won’t get awkward.
SHARI: That’s the plan.
TERRY: If she doesn’t get the hint though, maybe you can say, “So you’re a bad girl.”
SHARI: And there it is. Good luck, Shelby. If it doesn’t work let us, or maybe just me, know.
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