Combined Minds

The girls talk about the rising coast

Words by Ambar Ramirez and Carmen Macri 

Ambar: Between 1982 and 2002, futurist and psychic Michael-Gordon Scallion released a series of “Future Maps” depicting dramatic changes to Earth’s geography following cataclysmic events. His maps captured the public’s imagination — and concern — with bold predictions: entire coastlines redrawn, cities submerged and lost lands, like Atlantis, reemerging. One of the most striking transformations was Florida. According to Scallion, much of the state would be underwater, with only the area north of Tampa remaining somewhat habitable. And with the current state of rising sea levels and shrinking coastlines, Scallion’s predictions may not be so far off. 

Carmen: Thanks to warming oceans and melting ice sheets, sea levels have crept up about 7 inches since 1970. And it’s not slowing down. If things stay on their current track, we’re looking at another 9 inches by 2050. That is now 4 feet above high tide, which doesn’t seem like a lot, but it could be catastrophic to businesses, residents and wildlife along the coast. According to Climate Central’s sea level rise program, more than half the population in over 100 towns and cities across Florida lives on land that sits less than 4 feet above sea level. Yeah — just four feet.

Ambar: And Jacksonville isn’t exempt from this. Unfortunately, we’ve got the St. Johns River cutting right through Downtown, making our city a flood’s dream. I mean, have you ever tried driving through Riverside or San Marco during a storm? Probably not—unless your car can magically turn into a boat.

Carmen: Not to sound like alarmists and conspiracists, but we are here to alarm and conspire. And no, we’re not going to sit here and convince you that switching to paper straws will help (it might). F*ck a paper straw. Soggy little shits. I enjoy a paper with my coffee, not IN my coffee. 

Ambar: No, but in all seriousness, there are some things we can do to put off being underwater…right?

Carmen: I’m so glad you asked! Yes, but it’s tough and it requires a whole lot of people to be on board with it. Aside from the things you’ll see in the leftist woke plastic-Marxist media (shout out, fan mail), like reducing your carbon footprint, helping restore the natural buffers like wetlands, mangroves and dunes. And voting for local politicians who actually care is a step in the right direction.

Ambar: Sometimes the buttercup snowflakes (i.e., me) have some good points. For example, going back to our roots — reduce, reuse, recycle. That’s right, baby, we’re making reducing the use of carbon emissions sexy and cool. What’s even hotter? Not the ocean because you’re gonna be getting involved in community cleanups and planting vegetation.

Carmen: And use paper straws!!! Kidding. We could also stop building where water wants to go. I know, revolutionary, right? You’d think it’d be common sense, but developers are still building homes and businesses in high-risk flood zones. Smarter zoning and urban planning could put a stop to that — if we actually used them.

Ambar: What’s your beef with the sea turtles?

Carmen: How you came up with that from what I said eludes me, but I’m going to continue anyway…weirdo. Building more “living shorelines.” Instead of slapping up more concrete seawalls, a lot of places are turning to hybrid fixes—like oyster reefs, coir logs and native plants — that not only protect the coast but actually help it adapt over time. 

Ambar: As Senator Cory Booker put it in his 25-hour speech, it doesn’t have to be right or left; it’s right or wrong. 

Carmen: Damn, that was good. 

Ambar: You mean “dam,” right? 

Carmen: You got me there.