FOLIO
April Crime Time
Carmen, Ambar and Shelton
The Great Chevy Chew-Up
People are prone to bicker about every little thing in this community, but one thing we all seem to have in common is our love for cars. Whether it’s illegal drag racing on residential streets or legal drag racing at the speedway, weekend meetups in random parking lots or the full-on finery of the Concours d’Elegance, everyone loves a fine vintage automobile, and Jacksonville is a great city to see them in the wild. That said, you will surely share our disgust at the sorry fate of a classic Chevy Impala, purchased by a local man with intentions of getting the old muscle car back into shape. Unfortunately, the storage unit where he housed the car was besieged by rodents who treated the Impala’s interior like Elon Musk is treating the federal government. Between the various hoses and wires chewed up, and the waste produced from that, they did an estimated $10,000 in damage, but the storage company only offered him $1,000, leading to legal action that remains in dispute. He could always sue the rats for damages, but that seems a futile pursuit.
The Shrimp Scam
This next story doesn’t actually relate specifically to Northeast Florida, not as far as we know, anyway. But it might, and that is a terrifying, disgusting possibility. In a disturbing revelation, a recent study conducted by SeaD Consulting, a food safety technology company, has uncovered widespread shrimp fraud in Florida. If you’re like us, you probably had no idea there was such a thing, but it’s apparently far more pervasive than we’d have ever imagined. The study, which utilized genetic testing, found that many restaurants claiming to serve locally caught Gulf shrimp are actually serving imported shrimp from countries like India, China, and Vietnam (These are the shrimp that don’t change color, remaining opaque and rubbery, no matter how much heat is applied, you can’t get the kind of Maillard reaction that you’d expect from eating, say, Japanese teppanyaki. SeaD did random testing of 44 restaurants, selected in various Gulf Coast cities, including Tampa Bay, and the results were alarming: 96% of the restaurants in Tampa Bay and St. Petersburg tested were found to be serving imported shrimp, which were being marketed and sold as locally sourced — at a significant markup, of course. Only two out of the 44 restaurants sampled were actually serving authentic Gulf shrimp. Try pulling a stunt like that here with Mayport shrimp, and you’ll get canceled faster than Nazis in Ohio.
Operation: Oops, That’s a Cop
When you hear “Operation Lucky Charm,” your mind might wander to someone sneakily scarfing down marshmallow cereal while pretending to stick to a diet. But the real Operation Lucky Charm? A bit more serious — and yes, it still involves some questionable indulgences. On April 2, JSO took to Facebook with the headline: “Inside A High-End Prostitution Sting: Operation Lucky Charm.” Here’s how it went down: someone pays for sex through a prostitution site, sets up a date at a Jacksonville hotel and walks in thinking they’re about to get lucky — only to discover their “date” is actually an undercover detective. Surprise! And just outside the door? JSO, ready with handcuffs instead of champagne. The sting took place on March 18 and 19, and by the end of it, 10 individuals had been arrested for soliciting or offering prostitution. Not exactly the kind of charm they were hoping for.
Revenge Gone Wrong
We’ve all had messy breakups. It’s basically a dating rite of passage—everyone needs at least one for character development (some overachievers collect a few). But this Volusia County native? She took it to a whole new level.
We all grew up on movies where if someone wrongs you — or worse, your bestie — the obvious next step is vandalism. Egg the house, spray paint the car. Classic teen justice. Full Avril Lavigne energy. But for this 18-year-old, the plan went sideways. Instead of tagging her ex-boyfriend’s car — the one who allegedly owed her $700 — she accidentally spray painted the neighbor’s ride. The ex’s car? Parked peacefully across the street, untouched.
Not only did she get slapped with a vandalism charge, but — because, of course —she was well under the influence at the time (shocking, I know). But the grand total for damages? A cool $5,000. That’s one seriously expensive heartbreak. Honestly, she would’ve been better off eating the $700 and launching a good old-fashioned rumor campaign. Way less jail time, way more satisfaction.
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