Harry Moore
Words by Harry Moore
2024 may be history just yet but fear not because 2025 is far from a mystery. If you’re feeling anxious about what tomorrow brings the “Folio” team has you covered — take a look at some of our boldly accurate predictions for the year ahead:
After feeling he wasn’t given a fair go at things the first time around, Joe Biden announces he’s running again in 2028.
Jake Paul announces his next opponent in the boxing ring — the ghost of Joe Frazier. (Muhammed Ali declined to take part.)
The engineers who work at Space X develop a fueling system that will allow for manned trips to Mars in the near future. Elon Musk celebrates by posting dank memes and committing to more election interference around the world.
Young conservative men finally face consequences from the Trump administration after pornography is banned.
Trump appoints an unqualified alcoholic with a history of abusing women to run the military… Wait, that one has already happened?… and he’s not even taken office yet?…
A terrible standup comedian starts the worst podcast you’ve ever heard; it has millions of listeners every episode.
After a string of box office disappointments, movie studios move to release their future films directly onto Instagram reels in 20-second increments.
A populist liberal politician begins to make waves, building a devoted base and garnering excitement among prospective voters. Instead, the DNC pushes forward, we don’t know, Chelsea Clinton? The party continues to wonder why everybody hates them.
After mass deportations, further cutting corporate and wealth taxes, implementing trade tariffs, handing Ukraine over to Russia and finishing off Gaza, the price of eggs actually goes down somehow.
Florida will continue to expand the ban on social media, the initiative led by Governor Ron Desantis, will also pertain to anyone who is not a man. All women in the state will be restricted from creating new social media accounts and any existing accounts belonging to females will be terminated.
The Jags go to the Superbowl!
(OK, that one we were just kidding about.)
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