Dear Dumbs,

“I hate to call you “Dumb” because of your successful relationship and your funny wisdom.

Even though I’m 70 years old, I think you can help me. As I said, I’m 70 and I’ve been married for 51 years. Let me just say it: I married an asshole, and I’ve known it for quite some time. He loves the swinger lifestyle and to appease him I’ve tried it a few times. I felt gross. Even though I told him it’s not for me, it’s all he wants and I’m over it.

Would I look like a hypocritical jerk for kicking his ass to the curb?”

Betsie B.
Charlotte, NC


TERRY: Well, the vision I just created in my head will never go away.

SHARI: Terry. Be nice.

TERRY: I’m doing my best over here.

SHARI: Let’s help Betsie out. Don’t you think that 51 years is a big investment to just throw it all away?

TERRY: Who is this guy? Superman?

SHARI: Focus, Terry. I have so many questions for you, Betsie. For one, can you afford the consequences of this option?

TERRY: I mean, how much longer can this guy keep it up?

SHARI: She needs some insight, Terry. Let’s move on shall we?

TERRY: She needs to call the “Guinness Book of World Records” is what she needs, Shari.

SHARI: OK. I can see how you would feel gross, and it sounds like you’ve had a real talk with him about your feelings.

TERRY: I don’t even like looking at myself in the mirror naked. This is crazy to me.

SHARI: If you don’t help her out, you’re going to have to.

TERRY: OK. Point taken. I do feel for you, Betsie. After 51 years, you would think that crossing the finish line with the person you love would be a priority.

SHARI: I hate to see a long marriage like this dissolve. But this is a serious issue.

TERRY: It really is. Obviously, he has a different definition of what love is. And if he can’t respect your feelings, especially after giving it a try, I would suggest an ultimatum.

SHARI: Part of that ultimatum should be therapy. 

TERRY: I agree. He needs it for himself, though, as well as working on it as a couple.

SHARI: But knowing what little we know and to answer your question is NO! You won’t look bad at all.

TERRY: That’s for sure. I don’t care what age you are. You deserve to be loved and respected and if he can’t provide that … time to bounce.