Shelton Hull
Words by Shelton Hull
The Folio Weed column from last August related the funny-yet-terrifying story of some nice young folks who had an extreme reaction to weed gummies containing Delta 8, Delta 9 and THCB. One guy ate one gummy, and two others split a second, and they were all wrecked within a few hours. We mention that only to say, again, that three adults split two gummies between them, and the result was total chaos. Well, that is nothing compared to what happened to a couple in Charlotte, who bought a bag of what they thought were freeze-dried Skittles and took them to a party. They ate one or two, and they were fine — but their son (who is 6 years old) ate 40 of them, and he was not. We’ve always said that cannabis can’t kill you, but this practically proves it.
Everyone’s heard the old excuse, “My dog ate my homework.” Maybe you’ve even used it yourself. But imagine saying to the men who built the new fence around your home that you can’t pay them because your dog ate the money. That’s exactly what happened to a Pittsburgh couple in January. Now, the good news is that the dog didn’t just shred the bills, so almost all of the $4,000 was salvaged. But the bad news is that the act of salvaging required following the dog around and collecting “deposits” from the yard and literally laundering all that money. Speaking of which, if you think that sucks, imagine being the poor bastard in the late 1980s who had to tell the infamous Pablo Escobar (who at one point was spending thousands a week just on rubber bands) that rats had eaten a legit $1 billion in dirty money, stored in a warehouse. We’d love to ask him what that was like, but we can’t, because he was never seen again.
Most preachers are great people — this is what we’re told, anyway. Problem, though, is that the nature of the work means that when one of them screws up, it gets much more attention from the media than maybe it should, and we’re gonna do that right now. As it stands, the most egregious hypocrisy we’ve seen in 2024 comes courtesy of a pastor in Denver, who created the INDXcoin for Christian cryptophiles. He and his wife pushed it through the KWE, or “Kingdom Wealth Exchange”, and together they raised about $3.2 million between June 2022 and April 2023, almost all from friends and peers in the Denver area, all of whom are having a hard time forgiving them, because it was worthless. The pastor and his wife said that God had instructed them to create this, and then the flock got fleeced. It will be hard for any corrupt clergy to top this, but you know that someone will.
Let’s end this month’s installment by taking a bold step backward for the last story we’re ever gonna discuss from 2023, and we’re only mentioning it because: 1) it’s really sweet; and 2) it happened in Florida. More specifically, it occurred in Volusia County, where a woman found herself in about as bad a situation one can imagine: stuck in a car that had just gone off I-95, then hit a pole and rolled into a ditch with about three feet of water. She was safe, but her car was destroyed, and so was her day. Worst of all, that day was Christmas Day, and her three kids (all under 5) were stuck in the back, along with their still-unopened presents. As soon as police and firefighters successfully rescued the mom and kids, they set about saving the presents, which they did by forming a human chain and passing each present down the line. No word on what kind of presents the kids actually got, but they all walked away, and they did so carrying not only their gifts, but a story they’ll be telling people for the rest of their lives. ’Twas the season!
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