Carmen Macri
Words by Carmen Macri
Remember when relationships started by taking someone out on a first date, then a second, a third, maybe a fourth and then taking that next step? (You know what I’m talking about.) Well, me neither.
At a certain point, the dynamics of dating experienced a significant shift, a 180, if you will. In the past, the more personal and nerve-wracking aspect of new relationships was getting intimate with someone — physically. However, nowadays, the mere thought of going on a date has taken on a more intimate and somewhat intimidating quality. It seems like we might be skipping essential steps in building genuine connections. While there’s nothing wrong with having a bit of fun, our generation’s approach to establishing meaningful relationships seems somewhat reversed. It’s as if the norm is sex first, sex again, sex a few more times, and then, only then, maybe consider having a proper first date.
There is absolutely no shame in the game. If you are uninterested in relationships and just want to go out and get your groove on, more power to you. But for those who crave something more but can’t seem to find it, let’s discuss why that might be. And I’m no expert on relationships, so please take my unsolicited advice with a grain of salt, yeah? (Author’s note: Seriously, you should strongly consider any advice I have to give considering I got dumped while writing this article. Yes, I really did. … Happy Valentine’s Day!)
For starters, the societal acceptance of sex has changed. As society becomes more open about sex, some people are finding themselves straying from relationships. With the stigma around sexual exploration lessening, there’s this sense of freedom that can lead people to seek experiences outside of committed partnerships. Plus, with social media and dating apps making it easier to connect with others, the temptation can be hard to resist. While it’s great that we’re becoming more accepting of different relationship dynamics, it does pose challenges for traditional monogamy.
Social media and dating apps have truly revolutionized how we approach relationships. They offer the convenience of instant gratification, often leading to the rise of hookup culture and the fall of commitment. With just a swipe, you can find yourself matched with someone and engaged in conversation within moments. While this immediacy can be thrilling, it also fosters a more casual attitude toward relationships.
It’s a double-edged sword — while the abundance of options can be empowering, it can also result in more superficial connections. To the extent that this generation has introduced a new concept to describe the transitional phases before formal dating: the “situationship.” In a situationship, two individuals are exclusively involved but opt not to define their relationship with traditional labels like boyfriend, girlfriend or partner. They engage in all the activities of couples without the constraints of official titles. (Why? I have no idea). These days, it’s typical to spend a month dating before formalizing a relationship, but some situationships can last for months or even years without ever taking that final step.
It seems silly, really, to be dating someone without actually dating them. You receive the perks of a relationship without dealing with its downsides — which tend to make a relationship grow stronger. But, again, what do I know?
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