FOLIO
Dear Dumbs,
Happy New Year and thank you for all the shows and advice. It’s now my turn to be on the receiving end.
My husband passed 14 months ago after a long battle with Alzheimer’s.
Soon after he passed I invited my sister to come live with me as it would benefit both of us. She’s a wonderful soul, and I’m grateful to have her in my life.
I have been on a few dates since my husband passed. It’s awkward and strange, but I have to admit it feels good to get attention on a human and physical level.
My sister has always been a homebody and enjoys reading and all her other activities. But she gets very upset and emotional when I go out on a date. Not because I’m leaving the house for the night, but because she thinks I’m dating too soon after my husband’s death.
I told her that I really lost my husband years ago with dementia being horrible for everyone involved.
I don’t like her thinking I’m a bad person so I find myself turning down dates and other social interaction. Am I doing the right thing?
Mandy B.
San Francisco
SHARI: We are so sorry about your loss. I can’t even imagine.
TERRY: Yes, you have.
SHARI: Come on, bro. This is serious.
TERRY: You’re right. And yes, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. And I’ll just come out with it: You’re not wrong. I would think your sister would understand with this being something you’ve had to deal with for so long.
SHARI: Yes, Mandy. You’re totally fine in our eyes. But we’re not family, and one thing you need to know is that others are still grieving him too and everybody handles those situations differently.
TERRY: It turns me on when Shari makes sense. To be honest Mandy, I can’t think of anything you really need to do differently. Maybe just take aside those you feel are uncomfortable with your dating so soon and explain your feelings. I bet every last one of them will understand.
SHARI: Now there I disagree with you, Terry. I’m sure some people won’t understand. But she said what she had to say and can hold her head high.
TERRY: All the best, Mandy. Again, we are so sorry and we’re sending you some love, baby.
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