FOLIO
By Amy Love, Matchmaker and Founder of Honey & Flame Matchmaking
“What’s the difference between being in love and loving someone? My girlfriend tells me there is a difference and asks why I only say I love her but don’t tell her how much I’m ‘in love’ with her. I am confused.” – Bobby G., St. Johns
Dear Bobby,
The distinction between loving someone and being in love is a question that has puzzled hearts for centuries. It’s a fine line, and the answer often lies in the depth and complexity of your emotions. Here are a few pointers to help you navigate this romantic conundrum:
When you love someone, it’s about affection, care and fondness. You genuinely care for their well-being and happiness, and you enjoy their company. However, being in love takes these feelings to a whole new level. It’s a profound emotional connection that often involves intense passion, desire and infatuation. When you’re in love, their happiness becomes your top priority, and you can’t imagine your life without them. However, it is most certainly a rather subjective topic.
Being in love also often means that you see a future with that person and know where you are on your proverbial life path. You make plans, set goals together and are willing to work through challenges for a shared future. Love, while important, might not always entail the same level of commitment or vision for the future.
Chemistry plays a significant role too. When you’re in love, there’s an undeniable magnetic attraction, both physically and emotionally. It feels like an irresistible force drawing you toward that person. Chemistry is not always an instant feeling. It can grow with time. Indeed, my husband and I started as friends, and it almost snuck up on us — this feeling of I don’t want to live without this person in my life — ever!
Ultimately, the distinction between love and being in love is deeply personal and can vary from person to person. What’s most important is to understand and communicate your feelings with your partner and ensure you’re on the same page regarding your relationship’s dynamics and expectations.
In the end, whether you love someone or are in love, cherish the connection, and let your heart guide you in creating a fulfilling and loving relationship. The key is to be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings and expectations to ensure a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Love may evolve over time, and what starts as loving someone can grow into being in love.
“How should you tell someone you want out of a relationship because you are attracted to someone else?” –Stella R., St. Augustine
Dear Stella,
Breaking up with someone because you want to date someone else is undoubtedly a tough and delicate situation. It’s crucial to remember that honesty and empathy are the keys to ending the relationship while respecting the other person’s feelings.
First and foremost, have an open and honest conversation — it’s never an easy thing to do but just do it. Find the right time and place to sit down with your partner and express your feelings candidly. Begin by acknowledging the value of the relationship you’ve shared and the genuine care you have for them. Then kindly explain that your feelings have changed, and you’ve developed a connection with someone else. The way that you handle this situation directly reflects the type of person that you are or are aspiring to be. Even if you feel your current relationship isn’t far enough along to garner this type of gentle and conscientious ending — the point matters not because in the end it is, indeed, the right thing to do.
Avoid blame or pointing fingers. It’s not about making your current partner feel at fault; it’s about your evolving emotions. Allow them to express their feelings and concerns. Listen attentively and be empathetic.
Provide closure. Be clear about the end of the relationship and respect their need for space and time to process the situation. Ensure you part on good terms, leaving room for both of you to heal and move forward.
In this situation, ghosting is never the right choice. Choosing transparency and kindness will help you both find the closure you need and maintain your integrity throughout the process. Remember, it’s never easy, but it’s essential to treat others as you would want to be treated, even in the challenging terrain of love and relationships.
EMAIL LOVEADVICE@FOLIOWEEKLY.COM
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