The Talk

Words by Kelila Ritchie

October Is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Do you know fact from fiction?

As a woman, there are certain things you just can’t do or, rather, you don’t feel comfortable doing like going on a run at night out of fear of being kidnapped and sold into the sex trade or not stopping at the gas station after a night out because if you reject the guy at the pump’s advances he just might stab you. These may sound like extreme examples, but unfortunately, they happen every day. And not only to women.

That women are the only victims of domestic abuse is a common misconception. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, nearly one-third of victims of domestic violence are male. Nor is domestic violence always physical. Also known as intimate partner violence, dating violence and family violence, this type of abuse can range from sexual abuse to emotional abuse. Domestic violence does and can happen to anyone, and anyone can be the abuser.

STATISTICS

Around 10 million people become victims of domestic violence in the United States every year. This equates to 22 people per minute experiencing some form of violence in their personal relationships, making it an incredibly urgent subject that — up until 1970 — was considered a “private family matter.” Women and children were considered possessions of men and, therefore, problems at home should be handled within the home. I have vivid memories of my mom having conversations with my sister and me about the dangers of being a woman and how to best protect ourselves. I was 10 years old. According to the Florida Department of Children and Families, 22%-25% of all women will experience domestic violence at some point in their lifetime. Abuse can be physical, sexual, economic or psychological actions or threats of action that aim to instill fear in victims. 

Domestic violence can extend past intimate, romantic relationships and can also include sibling abuse and parental abuse, something many people might not consider or take seriously. We think about fighting with siblings or parents in a way that reflects our childhood moments but rarely in a way that resembles the mainstream idea of “domestic violence.” Then there are people like Marie, a survivor of domestic violence, whose stepfather would “terrorize” her household.

“Growing up, domestic violence was always a part of life. Just as barbecues and family reunions were. I would see adults fighting, whether intimate partners or brothers and sisters or just sisters. It was a norm in my village,” she said.

Currently in Duval County, more than 8,000 people are injured as a result of domestic violence every year. Every October, the Hubbard House releases their Domestic Violence Fatality Review Report which looks at fatalities occurring the previous year that were due to domestic violence. This year, the numbers have not decreased, according to Gail A. Patin, CEO of Hubbard House, which serves victims of domestic violence and their families. “Because we’re still seeing this high level of lethality and deaths of domestic violence in Northeast Florida, we still need to get the word out,” Patin said, referring to 5,000 individuals Hubbard House has helped in one year alone, not to mention the thousands of calls to their hotline. “This is not lessening.”

VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

With the upcoming fall and winter, it is also important that we continue keeping an eye on instances of abuse. Violent cases tend to increase during spikes in weather such as cold temperatures or a heat wave. Stress is also a huge contributor to the rise in domestic violence.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been an overall increase in women’s experience of violence. Simultaneously, the effects of the pandemic left many victims of domestic violence without shelter or without many other resources. According to the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women (UN Women), 80% of women whose partners do not have any earnings reported that they or at least one woman they know has experienced at least one act of domestic violence. 

“Earning an income appears to reduce experiences of violence: Women with an income are less likely to perceive violence against women as a problem and domestic violence as common. The exception: women who out earn their partner perceive domestic violence as more common and feel less safe at home than those who don’t,” according to UN Women. 

With the ever-changing economy, this needs to be addressed today. The issue of violence against women goes deeper than just one act of violence, one time. The issue of violence against women speaks to centuries of discrimination and gender-based inequalities that continue to cause harm and forego justice. Violence against women (VAW) is a consequence of gender inequality. Data surrounding this phenomena is constantly changing but never paints the full picture, as many survivors of domestic abuse fear coming forward to share their story and/or feel ashamed. Marie says her experiences with domestic violence have made her question the human ability to love. 

We, as a society, have to do our part in helping to ease the transition from having to survive to being able to live. Many times when a survivor speaks out regarding their abuse, they are met with invalidating questions such as, “Well, what did she do to deserve that?” Victim-blaming plays a huge role in silence among survivors. Even worse, the normalization of violence against women further perpetuates this miserable cycle. Reading cases where women are brutally beaten, raped and killed is always incredibly gut wrenching. 

Currently in Florida, not all acts of violence involving people in relationships can make a case for domestic violence in court. For example, if you are in a relationship with someone but do not live together or have children, any acts of violence in the relationship would be deemed criminal but not classified as domestic violence. The distinction matters greatly as different safety measures are taken to protect a victim of domestic violence. Also, the penalty for those convicted are likely to be higher. There needs to be stricter laws surrounding the safety of women, no loopholes.

SAFE HAVEN

Many survivors of domestic violence face many barriers when trying to leave an abusive relationship — lack of resources, affordable housing, conflicting feelings and beliefs, and familial values to name a few. Survivors may be afraid the violence will increase if they try to leave. They may also stay out of fear they will lose their children or their family may be harmed as a result. In many cases, these fears are based on past experiences.

Affordable housing is one of the most significant barriers survivors face.This is one of the biggest challenges people face when leaving an abusive relationship: Where will I go?

“Survivors need to be able to rent or own a home at a worker’s level of income so they have choices to live free of the abuser. We need to address how rising costs of living and costs in general are impacting everyone,” said Patin. “But for a survivor, it could be deadly.”

To address domestic abuse cases in Northeast Florida, The Hubbard House and other local organizations like Sulzbacher and the City Rescue Mission remain dedicated to creating a safe space for survivors of domestic violence. Patin attributes the success of Hubbard House to the support of the Jacksonville community. The mission of Hubbard House is safety, empowerment and social change for victims of domestic violence and their families. 

Patin also stated the importance of family and friends in a domestic violence situation and had these tips on supporting someone you know may be involved in an abusive relationship. She suggested posting information about domestic violence on social media; sharing information about resources available to them; and above all, being there for them — in private and away from the abuser.

Tough love, she added, is not the answer. When dealing with someone being abused at home who hasn’t left the relationship yet, it’s human nature to carry that worry with you and want them to leave. Though it may feel like the right thing to do, tough love can be detrimental to the survivor. Whether it is the first time they decide to leave or the 100th, support them in doing so, every time. 

“Believe them in doing that because that one time may be the time when they leave that it sticks,” Patin said. 

If you or anyone you know is dealing with domestic violence, please call the 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline at (904) 354-3114.

This month, as every month, “Folio” continues to spread awareness for survivors of domestic violence. We hear you, we see you, we believe you.