Dear Dumbs,

Dear Dumbs,
First of all, love the podcast and your relationship.

I realize up front that my situation may seem silly to you, but I’m getting weird vibes from my wife. I’m 6’6” and weigh 272 pounds. My wife is 5’6” and 130 pounds. This is important to the story.

I want to know if this is my mind messing with me or not. My wife is a chef. She has a very popular YouTube cooking channel with 400K subscribers. For our entire 12 years of marriage she lovingly hooks me up when plating the food. For example, if there are three chicken thighs,  she serves me two. When I notice and thank her, she always says, “You’re bigger than me.”

Lately she has stopped doing this. She is keeping the larger portions for herself and just the other day she (and this is where I look real bad) made lamb burgers and gave me the one with the smashed bun. I actually saw her look at the bun and purposely give me the uglier burger.

For some reason this seemed spiteful to me. In writing it’s hard to express the whole vibe. The smirk, the body language, everything says, “I’m kind of over this guy.” I’m really curious to what Shari thinks. I know Terry is going to screw with me so let me have it, Dumbs!


TERRY: Wait. I can’t mess with him?


SHARI: I’m sure you can, Terry. Just chill. 


TERRY: OK. Let me stop laughing and listen to where you take this.


SHARI: It’s funny because this is actually a thing. Because of our size difference I always give you the larger portion. I even go a step further and give you the better napkin too.


TERRY: I do the same thing! If I’m setting the table and one of the paper towels didn’t tear off the roll right, I give myself that napkin. But I take it a step further, though; I do the same thing with the toilet paper. 


SHARI: You’re gross.


TERRY: You’re welcome.


SHARI: Let’s get serious here for S.C. If this is now an everytime thing, I think there may be something to this. If she’s rushed or preoccupied, there’s nothing there to be concerned about.


TERRY: She looked at the crappy bun, smirked and purposely have him the ugly burger. Pack your bags, S.C.


SHARI: I think this deserves a conversation. Maybe you should just ask her, “Have I done something to upset you?” When she says, “No. Why?” Tell what you’ve witnessed and be prepared for one of two things. She’s going to laugh at how ridiculous this is, or you’re going to have a long, uncomfortable talk.


TERRY: Be packing your bags while the conversation is underway.

SHARI: For you own mental health, you must communicate with your partner at all times. Please let us know how it went. I want to keep getting the good toilet paper.