Dear Dumbs,

Dear Dumbs:

Thank you for your podcast. You both are so real and fun. One day I hope to meet someone like Shari to be my sidekick.

I did have someone until recently. I’m 52 years old and she is 44. We got along great at first and then seemingly out of nowhere [she] developed a disdain toward me that sometimes turned physical. She started to judge everything I did. She had opinions on everything. Nothing was off base to her. She had something to say about my friends, if I took a nap, what time I walked the dog, everything I did in the house and the big no-no, she started to tell me how to do my job of 17 years.

At first I let all of this slide. Chalking it up to she was having a bad day. But one day I had enough and told her to get out of my shit. That’s when she got violent by verbally assaulting me and throwing things. I wasn’t sure how to handle the outbursts so I just left the house. I’m thinking that was the wrong move. In choosing not to fight she decided that this would now become her normal behavior.

Years ago Terry said on this big show, “You have to ask yourself if you want to live the rest of your life like this?” It stuck into my head for some reason, so I put some serious thought into it and made the decision to ask for a divorce. Now that that war is over she takes every moment she can to bash me to our friends and on social media.

Do you think this will ever end? I fear she will get violent if I challenge her on her antics.

Ian W.

St Augustine, FL

TERRY: I’m so sorry to hear about your divorce. But it seems like a great decision, even though I now feel somewhat responsible.

SHARI: Good job, Ian! Glad to hear you ditched her. It sounds like your relationship was pretty toxic.

TERRY: So we all agree on that. This is a good start. I have personally seen this play 1,000 times. The jilted one acting out trying to make the other look bad. When you’re in it, it seems like it’s the end of the world. In reality, your ex just looks crazy, and everyone in question is happy for you.

SHARI: I think she’s lonely and secretly wishes she was still with you, Ian. Why else can’t she move on with her life?

TERRY: She has issues, and everyone is tired of hearing about them. If you’re responding to her in any way, I would stop. Don’t try to reason with her. Don’t do any damage control with your friends because that will get back to her and she will only continue.

SHARI: I agree. If she knows she’s getting a reaction from you, she’ll just keep it up. Even negative attention is attention. 

Ghost her and eventually she will lose interest. As for your friends, every time she bad mouths you, she makes herself look bad. Your true friends know that you’re not the person she thinks. Hang tough!

TERRY: Yes! Shari nailed it. Zero contact and zero reaction. It may get a little worse before it gets better so fasten your seatbelt. If all else fails call 904-444-4444 and get a restraining order. LOL.