Your Worst Dates Ever

  • One time, after a date, rather than a kiss or a hug, a man shook my hand. It was very sad and limp.


  • I dont know if this counts since it was hours after our date, but the man I went on a date with got a little too intoxicated and wound up falling asleep during intercourse. I quite literally mean DURING intercourse. Connect the dots with that one. 


  • Met a guy at the bar, knew he was older but wasnt sure how much older.. We wound up hitting it off, and I went home with him. He had told me his kids were home but sleeping soundly. Turns out he has several kids, his oldest being 19 (I was  21 at the time). Long story short, I went to high school with not one but two of his kids. Literally snuck out of his window in case they recognized me.


  • Woke up at a guy’s house and he offered me a shirt (so nice right? Chivalry isnt dead… so I thought.) Anyway, he was in his closet for like 10 minutes. I was so confused as to why he was taking so long to pick out a shirt. That is when he turned to me and said “I just can’t find a shirt that screams, ‘See you never.’” I have never been so humbled.


  • After what I thought was a lovely date, I dropped him off at his house. He proceeded to get out of my car, turn around, and throw a whole ass Philly cheesesteak and large Dr Pepper at my face through the window. Turns out he was on drugs. I sent him to rehab. There was not a second date.