Folio Weed: Trees, Under Your Tree

Folio Weed 

Trees, Under Your Tree
Words by Shelton Hull

 

The holidays are now upon us, whether you like it or not. By the time you read this, you will have hopefully finished all your holiday shopping already. If not, well, thoughts and prayers for your wallets and your sanity. If you’re not a regular fan of cannabis products, you might find yourself having a strong urge to partake by the time you’ve checked all the items off your shopping list. Between the crowds at the malls, and the supply chain issues at your local big box store, not to mention the nail-biting, teeth-chattering tension of waiting for your online purchases to finally arrive, even the most strait-laced and straight-edged of consumers may develop a taste for the ol’ leafy greens to calm their nativistic nativity nerves. 

 

The greatest pro-wrestler of all time, “Nature Boy” Ric Flair, has launched a whole line of cannabis products under the name Ric Flair Drip. Some of this stuff is a joint production (literally, since they do sell pre-rolls) between Flair and a boxer named Mike Tyson, who you may have heard of. Tyson also launched a line of ear-shaped edible gummies, made in “tribute” to a fellow former world champion Evander “Real Deal” Holyfield, whose right ear was claimed by Tyson’s teeth in July 1997. Sadly, we don’t live in one of the 21 lucky states that have fully decriminalized cannabis (the closest to us is Virginia), so, you know, don’t worry about buying me anything for Christmas. Just send cash! 

 

Those of you currently holding medical marijuana cards are blessed to have a variety of extra gift options the average citizen does not, but even that comes with caveats. Now, these options are technically only available to you and your fellow cardholders because Florida still hasn’t legalized recreational (aka “responsible adult”) use of cannabis. (And we probably won’t, until at least 2025, but that’s another story.) So, assuming that you and your loved one both have cards, or that you just don’t care, here are a few general thoughts for new shoppers. 

 

1) The smaller and simpler, the better. Think more about stocking stuffers, not the main event. 

2) Focus on accessibility. A nug of flower is great if the recipient knows what to do with it; otherwise, you’ll need accoutrements and the time to walk them through how to use them. Ground flower is generally lower quality than whole buds but at a better price. If that’s your priority, just get them something else. 

3) Know your target. Some folks are solitary smokers, but many prefer the group dynamic. For general purposes, I’d suggest a package of pre-rolls or maybe a vape kit for casual use. 

4) Edibles are a mixed bag, sometimes literally, while lotions and tinctures can also affect different people very wildly. As such, be careful buying that stuff for beginners.

 

Also note that the existing laws apply only to actual cannabis products but not to hemp, CBD or accessories, which still gives you plenty of options for loved ones who don’t have their own medical cards yet. You can never go wrong with a pack of fancy rolling papers, stash jars, grinders, quirky little pipes, one-hitters, ridiculously elaborate water pipes or dab rigs. You menfolk, in particular, seem to really like a nice lighter or just a box of Bics. There are even clothes and shoes made from hemp, the quality of which continues to improve rapidly. Nike and Adidas are both very active in that realm, so that’s your magic bullet, right there.

 

Best of all, a lot of this stuff is being made by local craftsmen and entrepreneurs. Any random trip to your local smoke shop or flea market will reveal a bounty of fascinating items, especially if you’re stoned. Always check with the folks behind the counter, who can give you the best possible suggestions, as long as you’re mindful of the proper code words. We’ve spotlighted a bunch of such items in previous columns, most of which are archived online—and yes, that <is> clickbait. Engagement matters.

 

One final quick, quasi-personal note: This column comes at the end of my SIXTH year writing the “Folio Weed” column. <Folio> founder and former publisher Sam Taylor had the initial vision way back in 2017, and then-editor Claire Goforth trusted me to implement that vision. And implement it I certainly did, with your help, and now this is arguably the longest-running and most influential feature of its type in the business today. None of that would have been possible without the support of you, the readers, who have been so vigorous in your advocacy. Thanks also for demanding that we bring it back as a regular feature. We should be close to 200 installments by the end of next year, so our initial suspicion was correct: There is no shortage of material. So, you keep reading, and I’ll keep writing. Happy holidays! 

 

 

About Shelton Hull

Shelton Hull has been writing for Folio Weekly since 1997, but his resume goes back even further. He has written for almost every newspaper, magazine and zine in Northeast Florida, as well as publications like Orlando Weekly, Narrow GNV, Creative Loafing Tampa, Charleston City Paper, Ink19 and The Atlantic. He currently writes the "Folio Weed" column, which he created in 2018; he remains one of the widest-read and most influential cannabis writers in the world today. He also compiles material for "Weird Wild Stuff" column, and he previously wrote the legendary "Money Jungle" column for Folio Weekly from 1999 to 2009. He is a regular contributor to "First Coast Connect" on WJCT, as well as the Jacksonville Music Experience. He is a co-host of "The Contrast Project" and the "Bold City Civics" podcast. He is also a co-founder of the record label Bold City Music Productions. He can be reached at [email protected].