Dear Dumbs,

Dear Dumbs,

 

I’m going to get right to it. You already know I love the podcast. I’m here aren’t I?

 

My wife and I are having issues with our daughter.  She seems to be checking out. I think she may have issues with my wife but won’t talk about what’s bothering her. I know Shari has issues with her mom, and I was wondering if she had problems calling her out on something she may have done.

 

Chad in Orange Park 

 

TERRY: Let me grab some popcorn for this one. 

 

SHARI: Oh boy, Chad. I don’t know if we have enough space here to unpack it all, but I’ll try.

 

TERRY: Well …

 

SHARI: I spent many years trying to forget the things my mother did. Some of them were pretty awful. I would hate to think your wife is as horrible a mother. 

 

TERRY: That’s true, Chad. I’m sure your issue is a much easier fix. I would hope you could get through to your daughter that she needs to open up a conversation. I have seen firsthand that the longer these things are allowed to fester, the deeper the wound gets. 

 

SHARI: Agreed. I found that since I had unresolved issues with her, I was getting mad at her for petty reasons.

 

TERRY: It’s very painful to watch. But I’m a glass is half-full kinda guy. It’s great having my Christmas vacations free.

 

SHARI: Same. But I did finally have a discussion with her. It took a lot of nerve. No one enjoys uncomfortable conversations, but for my own sanity I had to do it. I told her she owed me an apology. Even though she never gave me that apology, I found that telling her helped my mental state. I believe I have a better handle on the relationship and can have civil conversations with her now that I’ve cleared the air. I still don’t have a close relationship with her and probably never will. 

 

Chad, you should encourage your daughter to communicate her issues with her mother. If she doesn’t, she’s just kicking the can down the road.

 

TERRY: And I would think you could use the holidays as an excuse to get her to open up ASAP. Nobody needs weird vibes on Christmas. You got this, Chad. 

 

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