Dear Dumbs

I really love your Gang of Two podcast. Thanks for all you do … blah, blah, blah.

Here’s my problem. I’ve been living with my girlfriend for three years, and I really want to break up with her. What’s the best way to approach this?

Thanks,

Danny

Jacksonville Beach

TERRY: First off, you couldn’t even commit to a compliment … “blah, blah, blah.”

SHARI: Danny, I’m all for keeping it brief but a little more information would go a long way. What is the reason you want to break up? Is she a slob? Does she snore? Are you wanting some strange? Since we don’t have this information, we’ll have to make something up.

TERRY: And you don’t want us to make it up. We’re very creative. Since we don’t really know what’s going on, here’s a few things you can do: Move out while she’s at work. Set your home on fire. Maybe even tell her you’ve been hired to go after Putin.

SHARI: Good stuff, Terry. Let’s assume she’s a reader of this article. She never misses a Folio, and she reads it cover to cover. You could give us her first name, and we could announce it for you, right here in “Dear Dumbs.” She reads it, she moves out, deed done. That’s if you’re trying to avoid face-to-face interaction.

TERRY: Perfect. OK, I think I have a responsibility here to at least give you a little something. Whatever you do, do it with grace. We all know it’s not going to go well. But you have to be honest and understanding. There’s rent, shared expenses and feelings. But make no mistake about it: You’re going to be the bad guy in this situation. Don’t make it worse.

SHARI: Pull the Band-Aid off quick. She deserves that, even if she is a slob.