FOLIO
Tinder
Harry Moore
Hello, Tinder, my old friend. After taking something of a sabbatical from the dating scene, I began to think that it was about time to get my now-immunized self back out there. As is the case for many people out there these days, the most readily available avenue for that was through an app on my phone. And so, began the inevitable redownloading of Tinder.
After adding some more recent images (me on a boat, me in a nice shirt, me and my dogs, me and my boys at Hogwarts, Orlando) and a new bio (“FSU Grad, I don’t own a boat but I do have dogs”), I began swiping.
Jacksonville is a big city, and there are a lot of wonderful women in it, but maybe I’m just not a flavor the locals like. I feel like I’m a generous right-swiper—unless you’re clearly a bot, espousing ignorant views or proposing some bizarre fetish requests in your bio, it’s likely you’ll get a green heart. So where are my matches at?
Maybe I’d be better off going out and mingling in our new post(ish)-COVID world, rather than relying on Silicon Valley as a wingman. It’s probable we all would.
Facebook Dating
Kerry Speckman
Sometimes I wonder if I’m missing out on something being single, and it’s usually right around Valentine’s Day. When it happens, I’ll spend about 30 minutes on a dating app or website until I have reassured myself beyond a shadow of a doubt I am meant to be alone. And I don’t mean that in a bad way.
In the past, I’ve browsed Match, Tinder, OK Cupid, eharmony, Bumble and back in the day, AOL, which I accessed via dial-up, thank you very much (Gen X, represent!). I even placed a personal ad in this very publication. As I recall, I sent the form via fax.
When I found out Facebook started its own dating service, Facebook Dating, I must admit I was intrigued. I mean, Facebook (aka Meta, which I refuse to refer to it as) knows me better than people I’ve known my entire life. It knows the music I like, my political leanings and hobbies, and which Golden Girl I would be, according to BuzzFeed. Finding a romantic match for me should be a no-brainer, then, right?
Nope.
It wasn’t for lack of options. My field of eligibles was diverse in race, education, religion (or lack thereof), hair style, ethnicity, tattoo-to-bare-skin ratio, height, socio-economic group, fishing and/or kayaking experience, and command of the English language. I can assure you there is no place in this city where I’d come face to face, so to speak, with a multilingual film producer, shy nurse with a pornstache and successful businessman who is “not conceded”
within minutes of each other—let alone without having to leave my couch. (Side note: I didn’t even know “action/adventurer” was a job, but if the one I saw shirtless photos of is any indication, it’s an incredible work out for your abs.)
While I try not to judge people, my 30-minute window forced me to make some snap decisions. Fortunately, most of the men made it easy for me.
Good-bye, guy who started his bio with: “No, I will not get vaccinated—I’d rather swim across a gasoline pond with a torch stuck in my ass!!”
Toodle-loo, diva who Facetuned all of his photos to the point he no longer looked human.
Off you go, dude with a complete disregard for punctuation, almost like you don’t even know it exists.
Au revoir, poor fella who had not one but five memes about cheaters
Ta-ta, gentleman seeking “a woman who stays fit, eats right … and dresses for success” (because it’s not 1988).
Peace out, dude who looked like a different person in every photo (seriously, he looked like Matt Damon in one, Patton Oswalt in another and Gary Busey in another) and dude who looked like my cousin.
Get lost, creeper who chose this emoji to describe himself: *drooling face*
And finally, to the guy who wrote: “Don’t even think about swiping right if you weren’t born a female. Seeking a cerebral woman. If you have to look up the definition of cerebral just swipe left. thanks.” … a simple f*ck you should suffice.
Hinge
Molly Britt
The dreaded holiday is here. The day everyone makes an extra effort to show their love and affection toward their significant others. The day I choose to sip a nice glass, or bottle, of merlot while watching movies with my single friends, but I’m reaching the age where dates are a must and the pressure is on to find the right person, if there even is one. You know, the dreaded “are you dating anyone?” question your grandparents seem to love asking every time you visit. Well, I know as much as the next person how hard it can be to find someone in this digital age. As a fan of a good meet cute, it’s not often I look toward online dating for some extra help, but the time has come.
My friends are aware how much I am constantly deleting and re-downloading dating apps. If I had a penny for every time I told them I’m done with the dating apps, we’d be rich. It is now a weekly occurrence. So with February here, I am taking the plunge once more into the online dating world… with Hinge. I love their commercials where they brag about being the app meant to be deleted: “Even if it kills them,” they say.
First of all, I know exactly what red flags us girls are looking for. You know the ones, pictures of men holding a fish, gym pictures in the mirror, the dreaded couple picture where they crossed out their ex. I get it, you want to show off…that is just not the way to do it. Don’t blame the messenger.
I will be the first to tell you I am pretty picky with my options. Past dating and relationship fails will do that to a person. I am not ashamed to say I look for specifics in people; how else would we find someone we want to be with? It took a while for me to realize that was nothing to feel bad about. As a single female in her 20s, I know as much as the next girl, rejection can get on people’s nerves. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has had men get upset and continue to bother you while on a night out. It was part of the reason I steered away from dating for a while, but it’s much easier to avoid that when you’re using something like Hinge. Nobody I reject can message me or even knows I didn’t match with them, which is definitely something I appreciate. It’s not just the anonymity I liked, though.
I enjoyed the opportunity to know about the strange fears and funniest memories, thanks to Hinge’s profile prompts. It honestly was the reason I matched with half the people I did. I’m the type of person to appreciate the oddities, like a fear of Velcro and the ability to juggle, as some of the profiles mentioned. It leads to interesting conversation. After matching with a few people, I took the chance to message them and see what they’re like.
I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised this time around. I’m not sure if it was due to Valentine’s Day coming and people wanting to make more of an effort, or just luck, but I wasn’t disappointed with those I matched with in the last two weeks.
Now, will I continue my deleting and re-downloading streak? Most likely, yes, only because sometimes I don’t feel the need to be dating and prefer being alone. However, if I were to attempt online dating, I’d know there were some benefits without the classic meet cute.
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