Dear Dumbs,

My daughter has been married now for four years to a great guy. Because my daughter didn’t like his last name she decided to keep and go by her maiden name. He was 100% totally on board with her decision and that right there shows what kind of a guy he is.

However ….. they are now pregnant! We’re all so excited. My daughter mentioned the other day that she wants the child to use her maiden name. She doesn’t think that this time it will go over very well with her husband. In fact, she’s almost 100% positive about that.

Do you have any thoughts about this so I can pass them on to her.

Thank you and I absolutely love your podcast. It’s the only one I listen to.

Dallas, TX

TERRY: Yes, I do, Monica. Tell your kid not to push her luck. There’s nothing worse than putting your mate in a no-win situation and you just did it.

SHARI: Okay, Terry. No mincing words here, huh?

TERRY: You know how frustrated I get when this happens to me. And it’s always intentional too. It’s intentional because it could easily be stopped if you just took the time to look at it from my perspective.

SHARI: Which is what?

TERRY:  Seriously, the decision to even bring it up shows a lack of respect to me.

SHARI: Yes, it’s one thing for Monica’s daughter to use her maiden name, but quite another to apply it to the baby. I just can’t get behind discluding the father. It will alienate him for sure. Can she really expect him to be fully involved with the child? How about a compromise? Hyphenate the two names, maybe?

TERRY: WOW! As I sit here getting all worked up Shari solves it like THAT!

SHARI: Ha! It does seem to be the best compromise. I can’t imagine what would happen to their marriage if Monica’s daughter pushes this idea. I have to say I’ve never heard of this practice unless there’s no father in the picture, and that’s not the case here.

TERRY: Speaking from a man’s point of view this is the best way to go. Just make sure he never knows what you wanted to do. Take it to the grave. Both of you!

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