Dear Dumbs: At what point should I take my wedding ring off after a divorce?


Dear Dumbs:

I love your podcast. It’s funny, informative and inspiring to say the least.

I’ve been married for four years. My wife and I have recently had some issues which has led to us making a mutual decision to invoke a trial separation. We’re using it as a time to take a step back to see what’s really important to us. At least that’s what I thought.

It’s been two weeks now and my wife posted some pictures of herself on Facebook of a night where she was out with her friends having fun. Nothing unusual about that. However, I noticed that in the photos she is sans wedding ring. 

I don’t know why, but this really hurt my feelings. I realize that people handle situations differently, but really? It makes me wonder if “stepping back” means dating others to her.

Am I right for feeling this way? What should I do? This sucks bad.

LUCA

SAN MARCO

Reply:

TERRY: Ouch. That had to hurt. I’m so sorry, man.

SHARI: Man, Luca that’s pretty hurtful. I do want to mention though that I don’t wear my wedding ring all the time. It’s usually when we go out for a quick lunch after having worked out.

TERRY: Well, let me dive into this from a different angle. Stay off Facebook for awhile. You really need a clear head on this one and checking up on her ups the potential for feelings getting hurt.

SHARI: Hmm, I’m not sure hiding your head in the sand is the best advice, Terry. I think that it’s natural to feel hurt. But stalking your estranged wife isn’t healthy either. I hate to be the one to break it to you, Luca, but there’s a good possibility she left the ring off on purpose. I know when I go out to socialize, I plan my outfits in detail. That means jewelry, too. So maybe it does mean she was trolling. If so, the two of you should have been clear what this separation is and what it is not.

TERRY: Well, Shari, I think he saw all he needs to see. The “trial” separation seems a little more serious to her. Now it’s time to hurt. Feel every bit of it. If some of this is your fault, do the work and change a few things about yourself. But in my eyes this is no “separation.” Time to get his game face on when it comes to what’s about to be the business side of things. And Shari is right. Going out with the ring off was actually the plan.

SHARI: Luca, I think it might do you some good to go out with some of your friends. Not necessarily for a hookup but just to have a good time and start to cultivate a potential life without her. You’ll get through this, whether you stay together or not!

TERRY:  And take off your ring. Actually, keep it on. Use it to your advantage. Just tell people your wife died.

About EU Jacksonville

october, 2021

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