ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Dear Diary: Last night my Aries friend dragged me to the Karaoke Bowling Alley & Sushi Bar. I was deeply skeptical. It sounded tacky. But after for 20 minutes, I had to admit I was having a fantastic time. And it just got better and more fun as the night wore on. I’m sure I made a fool of myself when I did my bowling ball imitation, but I can live with that. At one point, I juggled a bowling pin, a large piece of sweet potato tempura and my shoe as I sang Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir”–and I don’t even know how to juggle. This event was typical of my adventures with Aries folks. I should learn that they’ll lead me where I didn’t know I want to go.”
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In his poem “Wild Oats,” W.S. Merwin has a message in perfect alignment with your current astrological needs: “I needed my mistakes in their own order to get me here.” He wasn’t being ironic; he wasn’t making a lame attempt to excuse his errors; he wasn’t struggling to make himself feel better for the inconvenience caused by his wrong turns. He understood the flubs and miscues he’d made were essential in creating his successful life. Reinterpret your past using his perspective.
GEMINI(May 21-June 20): Even if you’re an ambidextrous, multi-gendered, neurologically diverse, Phoenician-Romanian Gemini with a fetish for pink duct tape and an affinity for ideas that no one’s ever thought of, you’ll eventually find your sweet spot, power niche and dream sanctuary. I promise. Same for all you Geminis. It may take a while. Have faith that you’ll tune in to the homing beacon of the mother lode that’s just right for you. Important clues and signs should arrive soon.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): What would a normal, boring astrologer write at a time like this? Maybe something like this: “More of other people’s money and resources can
be at your disposal if you emanate sincerity and avoid being manipulative. If you want to negotiate compromises, pay extra attention to good timing and the right setting. Devote care and sensitivity to all matters affecting your close alliances and productive partnerships.” I’m not a normal, boring astrologer, so I wouldn’t write anything like that, but I felt it my duty–you need simple, basic advice. I’ll resume cryptic, lyrical oracles next time.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Let’s check in with our psychic journalist, LoveMancer, who’s standing by with a live report from inside your imagination. What’s happening, LoveMancer? “Well, Rob, the enchanting creature on whose thoughts I’ve been eavesdropping has slipped into an intriguing frontier. This place seems to be a hot zone where love and healing interact intensely. My guess is, being here will lead our hero to breakthrough surges of love resulting in deep healing, or deep healing leading to breakthrough surges of love–probably both.”
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Virgo figure-skater Scott Hamilton won an Olympic gold medal and four World Championships. He was inducted into the United States Olympic Hall of Fame and made lots of money when he turned pro. “I calculated once how many times I fell during my skating career–41,600 times,” he testified in his autobiography. “But here’s the funny thing: I also got up 41,600 times. That’s the muscle you have to build in your psyche–the one that reminds you to just get up.” In line with astrological omens, I’ll cheer you on as you strengthen that muscle in your psyche in the weeks ahead.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): What’s the story of your life? Psychologist James Hillman said that to thrive, you need to develop a clear vision of that story. He advises we ask ourselves: “How can I assemble the pieces of my life into a coherent plot?” Why is this effort to decode your biography so important? Because your soul’s health requires you to cultivate curiosity and excitement about your destiny’s big picture. If you hope to respond with intelligence to questions and challenges of each new day, be steadily nourished with an understanding of why you’re here on Earth. The coming weeks will be a good time to illuminate, deepen and embellish your conception of your life story.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide,” wrote psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. That description fits many born under the Scorpio sign, not just the artists. Knowing how important and necessary this dilemma can be, I’d never glibly advise you to always favor candid, straightforward communication over protective, strategic hiding. But do that in the weeks ahead. Being candid and straightforward will serve you well.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Sagittarian poet Aracelis Girmay writes, “How ramshackle, how brilliant, how haphazardly & strangely rendered we are. Gloriously, fantastically mixed & monstered. We exist as phantom, monster, miracle, each a theme park all one’s own.” Of course that’s always true of each of us, but it’ll be extraordinarily true about you in the next few weeks. According to my astrological omen-analysis, you’ll be at the peak of your ability to express what’s most idiosyncratic and essential about your unique array of talents and specialties.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Soon you’ll come to a crossroads in your relationship with love and sex. In front of you: a hearty cosmic joke that would mutate expectations and expand your savvy. Behind you: an alluring but maybe confusing call to an unknown future. To your left: the chance of a dreamy adventure that may be half-imaginary. To your right: the possibility of living out a slightly bent fairy-tale version of romantic catharsis. My job is to help you identify the options.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): How many handcuffs are there in the world? Millions. Yet there are far fewer different keys to open all those handcuffs. In fact, in many countries, there’s a standard universal key that opens most handcuffs. In this spirit, and in keeping with astrological omens, I designate August as Free Yourself from Your Metaphorical Handcuffs Month. It’s not as complicated or difficult as you think to unlock symbolic handcuffs; for the foreseeable future, it’ll be even less complicated.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Folks who sneak a peek into your laboratory might be unnerved by what they see. You and I know your daring experiments are in service to the ultimate good, but it may not be obvious to those who don’t understand you. Put a sign by the door that says, “Don’t leap to conclusions! My in-progress projects may seem inexplicable to the uninitiated!” Or maybe just close all the curtains and lock the door until your handiwork is more presentable. There may be allies to give useful feedback; I call them wounded healers.