Romancing the Stoner

For more 500 years, Valentine’s Dayhas been synonymous with love and the infinite number of ways it can be expressed. (It’s also my birthday, but that’s neither here nor there.) Folklore has it that more wedding proposals are made on Valentine’s Day than on Election Day and Christmas combined, and that will not likely change until the Jaguars win the Super Bowl. For as long as anyone can remember, our country has set aside Feb. 14 as citizens come forth in their finest finery, as capitalism chases after that carny carnality like Benny Hill chased Boots Randolph beats in the ’70s.

In 2017, for example, the gimmick was good for $18 billion in the United States alone–up by a third from a decade ago. That trend is sure to skew upward, and you might, too, with some of the cannabis-themed products available for amorous use these days. Examples can be found online and in fine independent businesses all over Northeast Florida. (Of course, you should always start with the ones that advertise in the pages of Folio Weekly, and tell them we sent you.)

It all starts with food. While there are currently no designated CBD eateries in town, local shops stock a full range of pre-made items like chocolates, gummies, coffees and teas, which (like the usual vape pens and whatnot) can be safely consumed at home after you safely drive there. Or hire a driver and partake before dinner. Your best bet might be cooking at home with your sweetie, in which case you’ll need a large batch of cannabutter. THC bonds best with fat cells, so folks will usually steep it at low, slow heat in a heavy-bottom saucepan or (better) a double-boiler with good grass-fed butter, like Kerrygold. You can also do the same thing with organic milk or (better) heavy cream. Combine the two to make baked goods or pudding or Alfredo sauce.

But none of this is legal in Florida yet, so just buy it online. When the mixture cools, it can be mashed up with roasted garlic and spread on bread. You can melt it over a freshly seared steak, pork loin or fish filet, or add it to shrimp scampi. Or try emulsifying with a reduction of balsamic vinegar and port wine or (better) the blueberry wine from Whispering Oaks to make an all-purpose glaze to finish off anything, including each other (but that’s your business). (Keep it to yourselves, thanks.)

As things progress (or don’t), there is virtually no limit to the range of soaps, shampoos, bath bombs, lotions, oils and random emollients you can enjoy well into the weekend. Every business has its own line  of specialized products, and there is no shortcut to finding a favorite: It’s best to experiment with several. That’s what the day (and the night) are for. If things go optimally, lucky lovers should note that they’re even making CBD sex lubes these days, rich in natural emollients and far safer than standard Southern alternatives like oleo or WD-40.

All in all, the weed industry is ready to make sure your Valentine’s Day comes off perfectly–but if it doesn’t, that’s OK, too. You’ll be too buzzed to notice anyway.

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