Veronica Nabizadeh
Last month, a friend of ours asked my husband, a medical doctor, why it is that we sometimes get brain freezes when we eat ice cream. Interesting question and it got me thinking. Have you ever noticed that those things that cause the most pain, have the simplest solutions?
Take the brain freeze for example. It’s an acute brain pain that can stop us in our tracks. It virtually paralyzes you. The pain is intense because the nerves have been rattled by the sudden drop in temperature. Immediately, they start sending signals to the brain to tell the body to slow down. Yet, to handle it, all you have to do is one of two simple solutions: put your tongue on the roof of your mouth or drink something warm. Voila, the pain subsides. Lesson learned. Don’t gulp.
Being in a contemptuous marriage is another situation that causes severe mental pain but can be lessened with a simple solution. I’m referring to the kind of marriage where bitterness and resentment are expressed daily. Where arguments are par for the course or unexpressed resentment and silence ensues. Yet, to maintain a marriage, the simplest thing to do is add in compassion and kindness. These two ingredients will save a marriage, and with enough repetition, could possibly turn the rudder of divorce to a lasting marriage. It seems crazy to think that being kind and compassionate to your spouse can actually save your marriage and save yourself from enormous mental pain, financial loss and child grievances. It does require daily practice and with nearly every interaction. If the goal is to avoid the mental anguish and financial losses, then this practice is supported by a worthy purpose.
So, how do we handle the heartaches and pains that we suffer in life when a loved one dies, or we lose our job or home?
I’ll share this with you. I have suffered deeply losing a loved one. I have overcome severely challenging stuff too. With the intent of pulling myself up by my bootstraps, I have read a ton of material and have taken numerous courses and webinars. I have even traveled to Mexico’s pyramids to meet Don Miguel Ruis, author of The 4 Agreements to find workable solutions. Lo and behold, the single most effective way to handle the losses is quite astonishingly easy. It’s so simple, it’s almost incredulous. The solution is to let it go. Exactly, like Elsa’s song in the movie Frozen.
You might read this and wonder if I’m nuts. But, Let-it-go works!
So, here’s how it’s done. First, you have to intend to not let your “stuff” shape the way you view the world. Second, you must be willing to let your heart feel the emotions of the tortuous event. Yes, this means that you will experience whatever feeling is befitting of the situation or occasion. Lastly, honor your heart and let it feel every emotion. Let go. Let it flow through.
Michael Singer, the author of Untethered Soul, analogizes our heart with the notes on a piano. I’m not referring to the physical heart, but the heart chakra. The heart chakra is where the physical and spiritual meet. Singer says that our heart has emotions that range higher than the highest note of a piano and even lower than the lowest. Imagine watching a movie without a score? Our heart gives us the variety and wonder of life. Deepak Chopra teaches us that when our heart chakra is open, we are flowing with love and compassion, being quick to forgive and accept ourselves and others.
Singer says, “A wise person allows the heart to freely express itself and doesn’t get lost in it”. This painful stuff can be handled by executing these steps. It takes daily practice to let your current and past pain flow.
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