BurgerKing Girl

It’s odd how I began by hating you BurgerKing
girl. I was looking for dinner cheap fast and
unhealthy. Instead I found desire.

Was it a fortunate right turn that allowed you
to beat me to the drive-thru line. Perhaps an
afterburner brought you to the speaker before me.

You were no more than a Tempo GL to
me, BurgerKing girl, just the most immediate
obstacle between me and my food.

And what the obstacle? Was it you? Was
it them? Don’t tell me you sent them back
three times for more ketchup. Did you need
no tomato? Did you change your mind about
the size of the “Just water please” you asked
for? What was it that made you take so damn
long at the window ahead of me?

Time ticked away, I began to grow angry. The
car radio is currently broken and it’s stuck on
only one station and the station is Christian
country music. My empty stomach threatens
angst-ation. I am hungry and you are in my way
BurgerKing girl!

Time ticked away, the Earth is turning. I feel I
have moved to a different position in relation to
the cosmos since you got to the drive-thru
window. The sun has sunk lower in the western
sky since you got to the drive-thru window.

Late afternoon shadows venetian the trees; the
sun strikes an angle and it slices through your
moonroof and it strikes the rearview mirror
and in a blinding flash—all my anger is
seared away, for I am suddenly blessed
with the reflection in the mirror of your eyes.

Those eyes, those eyes, inviting, flirtatious,
shaped like almonds, shaped like glistening
silverdollar fish, shaped like silveralmond-
dollarfish. They call to me, they sing my favorite
songs. I see them sparkle and I am no longer
thinking of food; I am feeling a different kind
of hunger.

Just who are you BurgerKing girl? Where do
you go when you’re not blocking my way? Do
you eat frenchfries at dusk? Dunk your breaded
chickenstix (for a limited time only) among the
ocean breezes? Who closes those eyes with the
soft sweet deepfried bouquet of a fishnugget?

But whatever the problems … solved. And you
shifted to drive and drove away from the
window. Drove away from me.

And now every greasy bite of fastfood carries
me back to the moment the sun first showed me
my BurgerKing girl. Every frenchfry is your long
thick lashes, every artificially flavored milkshake
is the amount of time you made me wait behind you.

Up to a lonely midnight sky I hold an egg’n’cheese
croissant to your memory. I am ODing on Burger
King drive-thru in hopes of once again being faced
with your rear bumper. My cholesterol is thru the
roof. But still I drive, still I eat fast food, still I long
with all my heart and all my soul and all my arteries
to once again look into the reflection of the eyes
of my BurgerKing girl.


Johnny Masiulewicz is the creator of the Happy Tapirzine series. Hit him up at happytapir1@gmail. Watch a video of Masiulewicz performing “BurgerKing Girl” on the Folio Weekly Facebook page.