The world loves a conqueror. Mankind’s lore is inked with the blood spilled from empires toppled asunder. In 320-ish BC, Alexander the Great first introduced “impact branding” to the Eastern lands. In 800 AD, Emperor Charlemagne houses the Middle Ages so hard that Steely Dan names a song after him. While at the cusp of this century, Ken Jennings demoralizes and spiritually depants an ashen-faced Alex Trebek, winning 74 rounds of Jeopardy! in a row. And now we watch the holiest ascendant of the New Aeon of Vapid Entertainment, the Conquering Child of Pout, Justin Bieber, as he flicks his twerking foes and selfie-tweeting peers aside like so many pieces of trembling offal.