FOLIO
Bad dreamer, what’s your name?
Looks like we’re riding on the same train
Looks as though there’ll be more pain
There’s gonna be a showdown.
— Electric Light Orchestra, “Showdown”
An epic showdown is brewing on Jacksonville’s streets and, no, it’s not a toe-wrestling match between all the wannabe Jaxson de Villes for the right to sport the sweatiest nut sack in the South.
We wish! But word on the street is the Jags have already chosen someone to play our fuzzy yellow hero this season.
Actually, fair friends, this boardroom brawl has Jaguars owner Shad Khan facing off against real estate magnate Peter Rummell in a battle royale for the title of Biggest Cheese of the Bold City. If wars were won by moustaches alone, clearly Khan’s sweet Sam-Elliottesque handlebars (@KhansStache on Twitter) would be far and away the victor over BabyFace Rummell. Alas, the art of war is a fine one which cannot be triumphed by facial hair alone.
Here’s a rundown of the mêlées thus far:
Riverfront Real Estate Rampage: Rummell’s Healthy Town v. Khan’s Shipyards
The proximity of these developments inspires visions of King Kong and Godzilla staring each other down from opposing shores. Healthy Town’s 28 acres on the Southbank in Downtown Jacksonville has been approved, while Khan’s grandiose vision for the 48-acre Shipyards lot straight across the St. Johns River, which The Florida Times-Union hilariously described as “a deformed Tetris piece,” is still in the conceptual phase. Healthy Town is a strange idea — a mixed-use development for people who want to live a healthy lifestyle (um, hello, it’s called the beach) — but who are we to second-guess the genius behind Disney’s “Celebration” community? This is the toughest to call … but Rummell wins for sheer momentum.
To Rivas or not to Rivas?: Since 2012, Rummell has famously backed the One Spark festival headed by his de facto protégé, Elton Rivas. Then Khan came roaring on the scene and provided $1.1 million via Stache Investments, to fund Rivas’ business accelerator group, KYN. Alas, a happy threesome was not to be. Last fall, Khan pulled KYN’s funding in a messy breakup that ended with KYN going belly-up. But with One Spark’s sizzle turning to an awkward fizzle, where does the Rivas love lie? Let’s give this one to Khan for getting out while the getting was good.
Pick Your PAC Pony: This spring’s mayoral race between Alvin Brown and Lenny Curry was another opportunity for these big hitters to swing for the fences. The T-U has reported that Khan donated $200,000 to Brown’s “Taking Jacksonville to the Next Level”; Rummell gave $245,000 to Curry’s “Together for a Greater Jacksonville.” Clearly, Rummell wins. Just like Mayor Curry.
Bonus Round: Pigskin Pummeling. Billionaire Khan may have taken the Jaguars to a whole new level of ginormous high-definition screens and swimming sunbathers, but Rummell has the street cred of being co-chairman of the committee that brought Super Bowl XXXIX to Jacksonville in 2005, making the Bold City the smallest to ever host the big game. OK, seriously, there is no competition. Shad Khan owns the freaking Jaguars. He wins. Moustaches down.
Looks like it’s a tie, folks. Sound off with a Letter to the Editor — we loooovvveee your letters — and tell us who you think deserves to be named Biggest Cheese of the Bold City.
CORRECTION: the original headline to this article spelled Shad Khan’s name incorrectly. We regret the error
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