FOLIO
To download a life-size version of this completely wearable, absolutely frightening Halloween mask, click here!
Since 1990, John Keane has reigned supreme over the Jacksonville Police and Fire Pension Fund, during which time he has amassed for himself a very special pension worth north of $2 million that the city believes is ill-gotten (that’s in addition to the $310,000 salary Keane, a retired rank-and-file member of the fire department, makes for managing all of six people). And, oh yeah, Keane’s pension fund is in the red to the tune of $1.7 billion, and could potentially cripple the city’s finances. No, that’s not all Keane’s fault. But while the mayor and City Council grapple with so many tough questions and unpalatable solutions, John Keane’s got nothing to worry about: his retirement plan, which he negotiated himself, is fully funded (100 percent, baby!) and in no danger. Keane’s not the only one who’s learned how to suck us dry: In August, the Times-Union reported that the chairman of the pension fund’s board of trustees, Bobby Deal, a retired cop, had worked the city’s Deferred Retirement Option Plan for a $4.9 million retirement. Hey, man, to the victor go the spoils.
INSTRUCTIONS: Cut out mask. Make holes for eyes. Rent a Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4 to cruise around in Halloween night, send City Hall the bill.
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