• Fake mustach
• Train engineer h
• Jaguars foam
Ever since Shad Khan bought the Jaguars, fans have been dressing up like him — or at least donning fake mustaches. This costume adds a train engineer hat to remind partygoers — and errant Jaguars players — to “Get on the train!” Alternatively, you could go as Khan from “Star Trek,” but with a Shad Khan mustache and some Jags accessories. Your mashup costume would kill. People will be shouting “Khaaaaan!” all night.
Model: Chris “The Hustler” Camp
• Rainbow p
The rainbow pin is key to this tongue-in-cheek costume. The debate over Jacksonville’s Human Rights Ordinance included a variety of voices, yet the mayor stayed mum. Don’t forget the camera — the mayor never goes anywhere without being photographed. Alternatively, you could go as the mayor’s stance on the ordinance; it would be really easy to pull off, without a costume — just don’t show up.
Model: Ryan “Don’t Call Me Brian” Thomp
• Black body paint or makeup
• Red tap
This is a rather abstract costume, but we promise it delivers, and unlike the courthouse construction, it will deliver on time. Just wrap yourself in red tape and give yourself a black eye — not as stinging as the one this project has given itself over the years, though. No need to worry about any signal that you’re accessible to the disabled. Being ADA-compliant isn’t mandatory, for a public building, right? Oh, it is? Oops. Then give yourself TWO black eyes.
Model: Chad “Karma Santa” Smith
• Black wig
• Nordstrom shopping
• Very light face makeup
• Green Day VIP p
• Glitter spray
The First Coast native has almost become a tabloid name for her appearance in the “Twilight” series. Almost. In September, The New York Daily News reported that Greene was initially denied access to the VIP entrance at a Green Day concert. Guess that guy didn’t see the nude photos floating around the Internet in 2009. Hopefully you’ll fare better at your party. Just shy away from talking about that Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson breakup, or taking nude self-portraits. The shopping bag is a nod to her “Twilight” character Alice Cullen’s love of shopping and fashion. Maybe she’ll hit Nordstrom when it opens at the St. Johns Town Center.
Model: Jelena “Princess Begsies” Begovic
• Blonde w
• Pink running cloth
• Stylish running shoes
For this costume, you won’t even need to say “Deegan”; everyone will get it just from “Donna.” That, and from the Charlie Crist-worthy spray tan. (Don’t overdo it, though; you don’t want to look like an Oompa Loompa.) And of course you’ll need the shoes for the marathons, but more importantly for kicking ass. The ubiquitous former anchor and three-time breast cancer survivor left WLTV-WJXX this past summer to focus on her charitable foundations. To match her energy, you’ll need to down a case of Red Bull, though even a week’s worth of meth wouldn’t get you as amped as she is.
Model: Carolyn “The Baby Farmer” Lowrey Grah
• Skinny j
• Ironic T-shirt or wrinkled white undersh
• Some sort of plaid shirt, half-buttoned
• Unnecessary h
• Burro B
• Local brewery growler or a can of PBR
• Bugler cigarettes
• Matches (lighters are for boring people with kids and Mandarin addresses)
• Sleave tattoos (or have your friends draw things on your arms: religious images, robots, a fish with arms and so forth)
You’ve been to the native environs of the Jacksonville hipster — Riverside, Downtown and Springfield — so you know how this species looks and acts. Simultaneously show lament and grief from the closing of London Bridge. Tell people you remember when The Pearl was the Art Bar. To get really into character, tell your audience that they really missed out by not going to Einstein-A-Go-Go at the beach. Even if you weren’t even born then. Like you care.
Model: Aaron “The Gentle Giant” Bromirsk
• Skinny jeans White sh
• Bloodshot ey
• Stuffed animal sq
Proving why Florida has its own tag on FARK, a guy in Green Cove Springs who was pulled over the last week of September on suspicion of driving under the influence claimed that the squirrel in his shirt was eating him. The squirrel was not charged with anything.
Model: Paul “Kitty Bang Bang” F
• Orange posterboard (cut and tape to create a cone-like skirt and smaller piece for a cone hat)
You’ve complained about I-295 construction, your friends and family have complained about it and even your great aunt’s ghost is fed up that there’s always some #@!%!ing project slowing down traffic. The DOT has proposed express lanes that could open as soon as 2017, but this thing requires more repairs and fixes than an FCAT F school. Draw arrows on your traffic cone and be sure to label them as “East Beltway” and “West Beltway.” The DOT wouldn’t want anyone calling any part of you “9A.”
Model: Claire “La Mataviejitas” Goforth