by Brenton Crozier
There’s more than enough discussion about good music. I mean, how often do you want to read accolades and praise for exceptional albums that are going to enrich your collection? Every issue of EU already points you to some great bands and new music. You deserve something different, you deserve to be lead to those that have done a disservice to their respective genre, that have created products that have set the industry back and that have made such a bad initial impression that those involved have done everything they could to bury any evidence of it.
Once again, we should be grateful to the internet for providing the perfect venue to chronicle all this badness. Collectors of kitsch, purveyors of poor performance and gatherers of the grotesque- we thank you for compiling the worst of the worst. You may feel that some of these inventories are lacking, that some ranks need recalibration or you may even see something that you like in your heart of hearts, but don’t fret, we all have those ugly indiscretions that we’d rather others don’t know about, so simply sit back and enjoy laughing at the astoundingly bad efforts of others. It simply feels good.
Ah, the fine art of the album cover. So many wonderfully bad missteps to count. The creators of Worst Album Covers recognize that you can’t simply group all bad album covers together. They have carefully categorized these faux pas by Fashion Victims, Naughty and Bawdy, That’s Disgusting, Extra Cheese, Religious Sinners and Weird Wonders. My particular favorite is Extra Cheese that includes albums that look like somebody said, we don’t need a professional to design this, we’ve got the chops! And chops literally in the case of Harry Secombe and Ken: By Request Only.
Good music videos have made careers, but for every good music video . . . The Worst Music Videos have expanded their search and brought you the tackiest from around the world. It’s surprising how many terrible videos have been made in the name of championing a cause. What’s not so surprising, is that David Hasselhoff shows up in droves. Not familiar with Reh Dogg and his masterpieces like “Why Must I Cry?” and “Blacken Chinese Man”? Then get ya some.
Interested to read what someone else thinks are the worst albums of the decade? Me neither, but this one was better organized than most. I can’t say that I’m truly shocked about a number of these, but just the same it is enjoyable to hear these dreadful musical displays get panned by surly British music writers. Finally, someone else that realizes how bad James Blunt is: “While ‘Back To Bedlam’s’ multi-million album sales have brought James Blunt glamorous girlfriends and a hideaway in Ibiza, for the rest of us it’s meant having to live in a world where the former army man’s pre-pubescent voice is inescapable.” Do you have one of these albums? Don’t panic. When someone calls you out on it simply laugh and make up a story about you and that friend that tries to one-up each other in a tasteless item gift off.
Music isn’t always about the music. Often it’s about the look, the style. And so often that look and style is really bad. But the celeb stylists get ahold of them and spruce them up by the next time you see them. So no matter how many shows starring grossly effeminate men and Joan Rivers there are that try to highlight these fashion gaffes, they can be easily forgetten. Down with the faux hawk!