by brenton crozier
In writing a recurring internet focused article, I’m often asked about the next great website or online destination for a myriad of interests and subjects. The web has provided some of the most popular trends over the last decade. Online pedophilia, virtual pornography, user edited encyclopedias, a venue to instantly tell friends how bored you are and countless activities to occupy what would otherwise be dull time spent at work—we have the internet to thank. Can you even fathom what’s next? Well my friends, you don’t have to because I fathomed for hours and am prepared to share the results of all of my fathoming.
So if you’re looking for the next social media trends, tech insights or useful online information, you need to stop being so 2009. I’ve found gold and by following my advice, you will not only be a trendsetter in this New Year, but you’ll lead a much happier, far more fulfilling life.
Upon hearing the term “trends,” the first thing I thought of was fashion. Get out in front as you hit the next shindig or big to-do with your new beer hat. But slow down there Tex, before you start shopping, you need to read the skinny on this operation. The inspiration for beer hats came when the founder was at a country festival and “saw some drunk guy with an empty beer case on his head.” How much more do you need to hear? Country festival and drunk guy=fashion you can’t, nor shouldn’t live without.
“But I go to fancy events and places and couldn’t possibly wear a beer hat,” you say. I hear where you’re coming from, but the makers of beer hats thought of you and offer Top Hat Beer Hats. And for those times when you’re relaxing or slumming it up at your favorite hole-in-the-wall bar, they have Stetson and Beer Box style hats. “How could I possibly wear one of these hats considering I am not a Coors guy?” Fair objection my friend, but this outfit has embraced that popular diversity thing and offers Milwaukee’s Best Light Beer Hats, MGD Beer Hats and so much more. Canadians need not feel left out! They also feature Molson Beer Hats eh!
New trends don’t always mean good trends. This site is apparently dedicated to the Star Trek versus Star Wars fight that has brewed for many years, and if I were a gigantic nerd, I would probably be able to understand half or any of what they are talking about. But I have good instincts and they are telling me to stay out of this one as it’s about to boil over into the streets—Vulcan death grips, light saber mom-provided drive-bys and fake laser noises should be expected and innocent bystanders may just become overwhelmed with an urge to laugh and if it gets really bad, guffaw . . . take note and stay safe.
It is a known fact in my mind that nearly 92% of high fives are completely unnecessary. My biggest, and some say most outlandish prediction is that the high five hand slap will be replaced by year’s end. This move is long overdue. Ensure that you are on the cutting edge by not only saying no to the next high five offered up, but offering a hot new alternative like the shooting finger guns, fist bombs or feel free to make up your own. Good-bye and good riddance high five.
Do I really need to do the math on this one? The cast members have death wishes and the economy is bad . . . Different Strokes memorabilia is your only viable choice at this time. Thank me later.