by brenton crozier
Hold it right there friend, your loved one would not appreciate you naming that star after them. Nope, it’s not a good idea. With Christmas, Hanukah and what have you quickly approaching, you’re probably scrambling to cross names off your list and be received as thoughtful, maybe generous and possibly even creative. Luckily for you, EU is chock full of ingenious gift ideas and Netscapades is taking a back seat to no article in this regard.
I’m a complete supporter of customized gifts including coffee mugs, baseball caps, mouse pads, T-shirts and so much more. It’s the perfect balance of thoughtfulness, kitsch and practicality to actually work . . . and I type this after just enjoying morning coffee in my very own customized mug! However, you have come here looking to transcend the ordinary gift fare and believe me when I say that I have delivered.
Any of your cultured friends would appreciate a fine Velvet Elvis painting under their tree. They have the comprehensive selection that you’ve been looking for. Young Elvis, old bloated Elvis, leather clad bad boy of Rock Elvis and even Elvis and Jesus – it’s all there. Perhaps your loved one already has a few of these babies in their home and are simply appreciators of the finer points of velvet painting. In this case, custom velvet paintings are available. Any image can be brought to sweet, beautiful velvet life. Ever wonder what you or your special someone would look like after an Elvis makeover? That’s right, send your photo in and get Elvitized on velvet. You will not have to worry about anybody else getting them a custom Elvis makeover velvet painting. Rest assured, the recipient will be saying, “Thank you, thank you very much.”
A number of gifts only deliver fleeting joy, but a gift of the month membership will reduce the fleetingness to merely a monthly let down. There are beer of the month clubs, meat of the month clubs and even olive oil of the month clubs, but Murray’s is all about the cheese. From the classics to the exotics, Murray’s has artisan cheese choices for every palate from all over the world. I was particularly interested to learn that there is a cheese after my own namesake, Crozier Blue. Perhaps there is a cheese named after you, but I doubt it – loser. You don’t want to feel like you bleu your chance when you could have made everyone Swiss they were on your gift list. Be sharp and assert yourself as the big cheese this year! I bet these puns are grating.
My news publication of choice is the Weekly World News. Give the gift of information as this publication is always able to get the inside scoop on Bat Boy, the world’s fattest cat and whatever those pesky aliens are up to. Perhaps the only thing better than the publication itself, is the smart selection of apparel that will show your friends and family, I respect sound information and am conversant with everything going on in the world. Enjoy the large selection of T-shirts from religious and political themes to aliens and beloved Bat Boy, there is a new shirt for any and all on your list this year. Stay in the yuletide spirit with the “World’s Fattest Cat Saves Christmas!” shirt. That’s the kind of gift that tells someone that you cared enough to deliver the best in sensationalist satire.

velvet, cheese and bat boy not your thing?
There are a number of inexpensive and thoughtful gifts that you can give if funds are low, or you’re simply experiencing consumer burn out. Magazine subscriptions (not those kind, this is a family publication), baked or even charitable donations in the recipient’s name are all gifts that carry just as much meaning at a smaller price tag. Most importantly, enjoy the time with friends and family. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you.