happy whore-a-ween!

Why give in to the temptation of dressing like a submissive whore on the one day the living and dead mingle? Ladies, my goal is to inspire you to choose a sexy and powerful image to display during your Hollow’s Eve gathering. So I’ve come up with a few ideas that blow the “servant maid” and “innocent school girl” out of the water.
By the way – I’m not the only one who’s noticed this tendency to over-saturate this holiday with slutty, high-cut, girly costumes. Comedian Jim Gaffigan says Halloween is his favorite holiday and not just because, “women use it as an excuse to dress like prostitutes.” “‘I’m a witch!’… If she was a hooker,” he jokes.
My point is that women can be dominant, powerful and sexy. Oh, yeah, and where are the Fabio and sexy-male-nurse costumes? Oh, wait, there aren’t any. I’m just talkin’ about an equal playing field, ladies, and it starts with how you portray yourself.

#1 the female dominatrix
What’s more powerful than a woman with a whip and the know-how to use it? This costume needs preferably skin-tight black pants, leggings or a skirt. You can even wear black tights with a minimal piece of material to cover your sweet spots. A corset works for the top half, but a really tight spandex-y shirt or dark colored bathing suit top can also get the job done. A heel or boot is a definite must. And as with any costume, accessories pull it all together. Whips, ropes, leashes or anything that can be used to beat some ass are encouraged. If you can round up a willing male participant, you have the potential to turn some heads and complete this costume. Put your guy-friend or girl – but I recommend using a man – in a collar and you’ll be able to dominate the entire night.

#2 oprah
For those who are a little conservative in the sexy department, an Oprah costume may be the right fit. And there are many years of Oprah to choose from. Anything from a skirt, business-attire suit to an 80s-inspired jogging suit. This costume absolutely needs an afro or dark-colored wig. And if you already have the hair for it – even better. Some gaudy jewelry, a book with the ‘Oprah’s book club’ seal, a microphone and Obama-related gear are a few accessory ideas. And you could carry around a bag full of free give-away items like candy and old stuffed-animals. But make sure to embody Oprah’s strong, confident and inquisitive personality. Work it like you own it!

#3 hot zombie
How much more powerful can you get than a woman who can’t be stopped? Well, only if you destroy her brain … but that’s beside the point. This costume can be executed throughout varying degrees. The main idea to keep in mind is “back from the dead.” So if you have an old cheerleading outfit, soccer uniform or maybe an outrageous prom dress, you can tweak them all to look old, dirty and tattered. Begin the ripping, tearing and smearing of dirt to look like you’ve just arisen. Pale skin is very important for this costume so bust out the powder that’s five shades too light for your skin. Accentuate dark circles around your eyes. Some red make-up at the corners of your mouth will pull this flesh-eating zombie idea together. It might also help to create an area on your body or clothes that looks like a wound. And hey, who doesn’t want to go around biting people all night?

#4 super female
Basically just create your own superhero. This can be a combination of random clothing items mismatched to develop the superhero you’ve always had inside. You can buy some cheap felt at a craft store and cut it into shapes or letters. Then stitch or superglue it to a shirt or cape to identify your powerful hero creation. One year I made a ‘super female’ costume. I cut a piece of felt to look like the superman symbol, then stitched it to a shirt. I used old fairy wings and some stripped stockings to complete the look. And throughout the night I randomly blew glitter on people. Just use your own creativity!
If you’re tight on cash, like most of us working poor, I have two words for you: Thrift Stores. You should be able to put a costume together for not much money. In these uncertain and turbulent times it’s important to be able to relax and have some fun. And what better way than dressing in disguise with some friends?
But remember to choose a powerful image. Become the bad cop or dangerous doctor, instead of the secretary or subservient nurse. Take control as a lady pirate complete with eye patch and peg leg. Make it your own.