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WELL, OF COURSE! Wednesday, November 26
The owner of the world’s largest corn maze (63 acres), at Cool Patch Pumpkins in Dixon, California, told Sacramento’s KOVR-TV in October that “several” times this season, visitors called 911 to help them out of the maze. Said owner Matt Cooley, “When it’s dark, all you see is corn.”
THE LAW WORKS IN STRANGE WAYS Wednesday, November 26
In October, The Gothamist news site reported bicyclist John Roemer, who was rear-ended by a driver in Brooklyn in May (and whose intensive-care bill was paid by the driver’s insurance company), is now being sued by the driver in small claims court for $2,000 damage to her car.
CHUTZPAH! Wednesday, November 26
The law finally caught up, partially, to squatter Darrell Beatty in September, as he was charged with grand larceny for forging a deed to a home owned by Jennifer Merin, 70, in Laurelton, New York. He bailed out of jail on Oct. 22 and went straight to the house. In fact, Beatty’s two sons had remained “at home” while Beatty was locked up. The home has been in Merin’s family since 1930. “Mind-boggling,” she said.
FANCY-SCHMANCY CRAP Wednesday, November 26
The Washington, D.C., restaurant Second State recently added an accessory to its bar menu — “hand-cut rock,” i.e., “artisanal” ice, for a buck extra (but free in premium drinks).
BRIGHT IDEAS Wednesday, November 26
David Van Vleet asked for certain supposedly public records in Tacoma, Washington, and was forced into federal court when the city turned him down. Van Vleet wanted data from the city licenses of strip club employees (dancers’ stage and real names, date of birth, etc.) so he could pray for them individually, by name, to make his appeals more effective. In October, Judge Ronald Leighton denied Van Vleet a temporary restraining order against the city.
WE SAVED YOUR LIMEY ASS IN WWII Wednesday, November 26
The British Embassy in Washington, D.C., apologized twice in August, first a tongue-in-cheek “apology” for England’s War of 1812 attack on the White House and then for making that “apology” in the first place — because of a backlash on Twitter from Americans complaining the jokey “apology” was “offensive.”
THE POWER OF ONE SENSITIVE SOUL Wednesday, November 26
Lt. Col. Sherwood Baker was turned away from Adams High School in Rochester, Michigan, in September by a guard who said a school official sent word that Baker wasn’t allowed in to discuss his daughter’s class schedule until he changed into civilian clothes — because “a student” might be offended by his military uniform. The Rochester school superintendent later apologized.
Steve Soifer, CEO of an international support group for people with “shy bladders,” excoriated DirecTV in November for its series of commercials featuring Rob Lowe, whose “awkward” character in one ad stands at a urinal and says, “Fact: I can’t go with other people in the room.” Soifer says the ad ridicules a serious problem — and compared it to “making fun” of a man missing an arm or leg.
WEIRD Patriotism Wednesday, November 26
November is tax-publicizing season in Finland, where, unlike America, the government releases all individuals’ tax records to help build public support for the country’s vast welfare state. Thus, reported Foreign Policy magazine, Finnish society gets a “yearly dose of schadenfreüde”
INNARDS Wednesday, November 19
The most challenging toys this holiday season may be the series of furry human innards from the U.S. firm I Heart Guts — not just a soft, cuddly pancreas, brain and prostate, but also a rectum. Each part is packaged with a cheekily written …
 
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