If The Riddler were an evil foodie, he would probably query the Batman with, “Schnitzel me this: What if I caused all of the world’s veal supply to disappear? Then no one could have wiener schnitzel. Think of the chaos that would ensue! The world would be forced to come to me, The Riddler, on their collective knee, begging for the return of their most treasured meat!”
This leads me to the obvious question: Why isn’t there a foodie superhero? Marvel has completely dropped the ball, yet whenever I send this suggestion to their editors, I receive no response. What’s the deal? Perhaps I’ve discovered an untapped market. The main character would have to be an unassuming food blogger. For crime-fighting, he’d wear an indestructible meat suit and would punish wrongdoers by forcing them to eat school lunches for every meal. He could be named “PalateMan.”
PalateMan’s storyline would probably include a hipster character and at least one craft brewer, maybe named “The Brewster.” Imagine The Brewster foiling crime by crushing would-be criminals with kegs! There could be a mixologist villain named “MixMaster,” a frustrated nuclear physicist turned evil by a multinational conglomerate specializing in GMO seafood. The heavily tattooed MixMaster would create cocktails to cause unwary consumers to unknowingly fund his devious plans to destroy the palates of the entire human race. With PalateMan and the Batman fighting side by side to defeat bad taste, shoemakers like The Riddler and MixMaster wouldn’t stand a chance.
As you may have guessed, I’d loathe living in a world without wiener schnitzel or any other schnitzel. For the unenlightened, schnitzels are exquisite little meat scallops, lightly pounded to a mere quarter-inch thickness then breaded and pan-fried. Schnitzels can be made with chicken, pork, veal, reindeer or venison. The most refined is wiener schnitzel, which is lovingly prepared with delicate, tender, moist veal. Only clarified butter should be used to cook these beautiful breaded morsels. The mouthwatering result is definitely worthy of superhero protection. As these Cheffed-Up tidbits are so perfectly pleasurable alone, sauce is unnecessary. Just a splash of fresh lemon juice completes the experience. Here’s a quick recipe. Enjoy! And stay tuned for more adventures of PalateMan.
Chef Bill’s Schnitzel
- 4 boneless pork loin chops, 5 ounces each
- 2 eggs mixed with 1 tbsp. milk, 1/2 tsp. Dijon mustard, 1/2 tsp. white wine
- 2 cups panko crumbs, see recipe below
- 2 cups seasoned flour
- Line a cutting board with plastic wrap.Place the pork on the plastic and cover it with another piece of plastic wrap. Gently pound the pork with a meat mallet’s flat side until each is one-quarter-inch thick.
- Dredge in seasoned flour, egg wash and seasoned panko.
- Pan-fry in 1” clarified butter until the pork is a golden brown; flip and brown the other side.
Chef Bill’s Panko Crumbs
- 1 tbsp. rosemary, chopped
- 4 tbsp. parsley, chopped
- 1 oz. parmesan, finely grated
- 4 cups panko
- 2 cups panko
- Place the rosemary, parsley, parmesan and 4 cups of panko in the Vita Prep and grind.
- Pour into a bowl; mix in the 2 cups of plain panko and salt and pepper to taste.
Until we cook again,
Email Chef Bill Thompson, owner of Fernandina Beach’s Amelia Island Culinary Academy, at email@example.com, for inspiration and get Cheffed-Up!