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NAMES IN THE NEWS Wednesday, October 15
One of the three suspects in an August arrest for making fraudulent purchases at a Jupiter, Florida, shop: Ms. Cherries Waffles Tennis, 19. The president of the Alabama Public Service Commission (who invoked prayer in July as the most effective way to fight federal restrictions on coal-fired power plants): Ms. Twinkle Andress Cavanaugh. The investigator for the Ohio state auditor’s office who was ordered by his supervisor in July to end a romantic relationship with another government official: Jim Longerbone.
NOT READY FOR PRIME TIME Wednesday, August 20
A 40-year-old man (not named by the Seattle Post-Intelligencer) was arrested there on July 31 after a several-hour, epically inept, crime spree. Attempting to rob a restaurant, he was turned down by employees and customers, then turned down by two …
CHARLIE AND THE VOUCHER FACTORY Wednesday, September 24
The Tanned One signals opposition to the state’s voucher scheme
BUT SHE HAS A GREAT PERSONALITY Wednesday, October 15
The South American country of Venezuela, already in a recession, suffered a particularly cruel blow (according to a September Associated Press dispatch from Caracas) with a recent shortage in availability of breast implants for its beauty-obsessed senoritas. Restrictive currency controls are limiting enhancement surgeries from the 85,000 performed last year and, according to a local joke, will force Venezuelan women to start developing their personalities. However, according to leading surgeon Dr. Daniel Slobodianik, when potential patients are told their preferred size implant is back-ordered, many merely choose the next-largest available size.
LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINAL Wednesday, August 20
Joshua Pawlak, 27, entered a total of four businesses in Woodbridge, New Jersey, on July 27 and similarly met resistance and/or indifference to his money demands — and came away from the four with only $2, also from a tip jar.
AN INTERVIEW WITH ALICIA HARRIS Wednesday, September 24
The literacy program coordinator of Learn to Read Jacksonville on the struggles many adults have with reading
READERS' CHOICE Wednesday, August 20
An airborne banner towed by an airplane came loose in Fremont, California, in July and floated down, landing on a house, frightening the residents. The sign advertised GEICO insurance.
On the same day in September, Washington, D.C., and New York City made traffic-camera announcements, with Washington declaring a revenue crisis and New York saying just one speed camera in Brooklyn had earned the city $77,550 in a single day. D.C. had projected $93 million in annual camera income, but estimated it would collect only $26 million, while New York City, with fewer cameras, was marveling at the 1,551 tickets the Brooklyn camera zapped on July 7.
ALL THINGS MUST PASS Wednesday, August 20
A 10-foot-tall pine tree in Los Angeles's Griffith Park, dedicated in 2004 with a plaque to the late musician George Harrison, was recently destroyed by an infestation, and another will be planted in its place, according to a city councilman. The …
Why the solution to Florida's water crisis may be 
your pee
 
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