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WE GOTTA GET OUTTA THIS PLACE Wednesday, August 20
In July, officials at Djanogly City Academy in Nottingham, England, broke up an attempt by five students (ages 11-14) attending a daytime-locked-down school to escape by tunneling under a security fence. They discovered the boys' metal cutlery …
The Billionaire Boys Club reigns supreme. (Don’t act so surprised)
SORRY … I LOST MY HEAD Wednesday, August 20
In a deadly ending reminiscent of scenes in several crime movies, a 22-year-old man fleeing police in Brooklyn, New York, in June crashed his car at a high speed into the back of a flatbed truck and was decapitated as the body of the car (but not …
NAMES IN THE NEWS Wednesday, October 15
One of the three suspects in an August arrest for making fraudulent purchases at a Jupiter, Florida, shop: Ms. Cherries Waffles Tennis, 19. The president of the Alabama Public Service Commission (who invoked prayer in July as the most effective way to fight federal restrictions on coal-fired power plants): Ms. Twinkle Andress Cavanaugh. The investigator for the Ohio state auditor’s office who was ordered by his supervisor in July to end a romantic relationship with another government official: Jim Longerbone.
NOT READY FOR PRIME TIME Wednesday, August 20
A 40-year-old man (not named by the Seattle Post-Intelligencer) was arrested there on July 31 after a several-hour, epically inept, crime spree. Attempting to rob a restaurant, he was turned down by employees and customers, then turned down by two …
CHARLIE AND THE VOUCHER FACTORY Wednesday, September 24
The Tanned One signals opposition to the state’s voucher scheme
BUT SHE HAS A GREAT PERSONALITY Wednesday, October 15
The South American country of Venezuela, already in a recession, suffered a particularly cruel blow (according to a September Associated Press dispatch from Caracas) with a recent shortage in availability of breast implants for its beauty-obsessed senoritas. Restrictive currency controls are limiting enhancement surgeries from the 85,000 performed last year and, according to a local joke, will force Venezuelan women to start developing their personalities. However, according to leading surgeon Dr. Daniel Slobodianik, when potential patients are told their preferred size implant is back-ordered, many merely choose the next-largest available size.
LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINAL Wednesday, August 20
Joshua Pawlak, 27, entered a total of four businesses in Woodbridge, New Jersey, on July 27 and similarly met resistance and/or indifference to his money demands — and came away from the four with only $2, also from a tip jar.
AN INTERVIEW WITH ALICIA HARRIS Wednesday, September 24
The literacy program coordinator of Learn to Read Jacksonville on the struggles many adults have with reading
READERS' CHOICE Wednesday, August 20
An airborne banner towed by an airplane came loose in Fremont, California, in July and floated down, landing on a house, frightening the residents. The sign advertised GEICO insurance.
 
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