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OF COURSE! Wednesday, September 24
Jonathan Thomas, 50, was charged with DUI and disorderly conduct in Washington Township, Indiana, in August after driving through two backyards one Friday evening and getting his vehicle stuck in the second. Police reported that Thomas “show[ed] his teeth to officers” and later “growled” at hospital security staff. Thomas’ day job is director of the Porter County Animal Shelter.
THE NAME'S DESTINY Wednesday, July 30
In May, NOTW mentioned Floridian Edward Cocaine, with drug charges. In June, in Lake Wales, Ms. Crystal Metheney, 36, was arrested on a BB-gun charge; she also has a drug arrest (marijuana) on her record. In July, a northern California wildfire …
LEAST COMPETENT Wednesday, August 27
Ryan Mullins, 22, was arrested in Swansboro, North Carolina, in August when he came to an officer's attention at 5:30 a.m. Police said he had broken into a pharmacy, had stolen the 100-pound safe, and was dragging it behind his car when the officer …
JUST LIKE THE SCRIPT Wednesday, September 24
In August, a Bradenton, Florida, deputy sheriff was forced to duplicate a classic scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark when he was advanced upon by a menacing-looking, samurai-sword-swinging, 31-year-old man. The deputy, perhaps as nonplussed as Indiana Jones was, shot him dead.
LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS Wednesday, October 22
William Dixon, 21, was arrested in Brentwood, Tennessee, in August fleeing a Best Buy store after arousing suspicion. According to the police report, Dixon, on foot, ran across all lanes of I-65, but the chase ended when he collided with a tree.
DUMBASS Wednesday, August 27
Robert Haught Jr., 42, was captured after a high-speed chase through Burlington, Massachusetts, in August, with police recovering "stacks" of stolen credit cards and suspected-stolen high-end electronics from the car. Haught attracted police …
RULE NO. 9 Wednesday, September 24
The 15-year-old granddaughter of Cliven Bundy (the Nevada rancher whose dispute with the federal government caused a notorious standoff in March) told Las Vegas’ KSNV-TV that her dad (Bundy’s son) was withdrawing her from her high school because officials would not allow her to carry a knife on campus. She said her dad has taught his kids (just like Leroy Jethro Gibbs on NCIS) to “always” carry a knife.
WEED SWAP Wednesday, October 22
Walter Morrison, 20, a United Parcel Service baggage agent at Phoenix’s Sky Harbor airport, apparently intended only to swipe random parcels, but inadvertently came upon, in one package, a diamond (later found to be worth about $160,000). Police charging him in September said he traded the diamond to a friend for a gram of marijuana (around $20, retail).
SHOCKING Wednesday, September 24
Annual Bunyola “fiestas” on the Spanish island of Mallorca were canceled in September out of respect for an 18-year-old man who fatally hit his head after receiving an electric shock on a lamp post he was leaning against as he urinated at a street corner.
AN INTERVIEW WITH HOOSHANG HARVESF Wednesday, August 27
The owner of Hooshang Oriental Rugs, the longest-running business in Avondale, talks about his trade and why there are no American rug-makers
 
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