THE SPECKTATOR

Oscars Schmoscars

The Specktator's Sposcars honor people we've actually heard of

Best Supporting Actress(es): Alexandra and Daniella Pierson (aka The Pierson Twins) for supporting their father's huge ego in his self-written, self-directed TV commercials—from the time they were old enough to dress in identical clothes and speak in unison

Best Supporting Actor: The Fake Mayor for acting like Mayor Alvin Brown on Twitter and making the Real Mayor appear way funnier and cooler and more honest than Brown himself

Best Hair and Makeup: Originally presented to Bruce "George" Hamilton of WJXT for his perennial, fake tan rescinded when it was determined that he really IS that tan

Best Hair and Makeup ('do Over): Corrine Brown's hairstylist (aka wigmaster)

Best Director: Music Director and Principal Conductor Fabio Mechetti of the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra (no other nominees in the category)

Best Actress: Unknown woman at Cruisers Grill for acting like she wasn't walking around town with a self-wedgie

Best Actor: Former Jags head coach Mike Mularkey who acted as if he could coach an NFL team when he was clearly out of his league

Best Picture: A tie between my photobomb of Oscar-nominee Bill Murray at the Murray Bros. Caddyshack Charity Golf Tourament...

Best Picture: And my photobomb of Oscar-nominee Bill Murray at a special event at Firehouse Subs

Photo

By Kerry Speckman

Posted 2/27/13

THE SPECKTATOR

Kerry Speckman shares her unique perspective and observations on people, places and events on the First Coast and beyond. She's also the 2012 winner of Jacksonville Dancing With the Stars, so she's got that going for her.

Contact Kerry by email or follow her on Twitter.

As usual, I didn’t see any of the films that were nominated for an Academy Award. Probably because I rarely go to the movies … and the fact that I don’t particularly like musicals, period films, subtitles, action flicks or animation. However, that didn’t stop me from making snarky comments throughout the show (while I do draw the line at poking fun at “In Memoriam” segment, I do pay attention to who gets the most applause). Since I didn’t actually care who won (or lost), I spent most of the broadcast wondering: What if Jacksonville had its own version of the Oscars? Who would win best actor? Best actress? Best picture? Hence, the inaugural presentation of the Sposcars, The Specktator’s own version of the Oscars.

Check the photo gallery above for all of the winners and losers.

And if you think we missed anyone, let us know in the comments section!