EXCLUSIVE: A Real Interview with the Fake Mayor

His Twitter name is Alvin Brown. His Twitter handle is @jaxmayorbrown. His Twitter profile photo is of Mayor Alvin Brown. He posts about budget matters, City Council members and ribbon-cutting ceremonies. He has more than 1,100 die-hard followers. But the person behind @jaxmayorbrown is not the Mayor Alvin Brown.

Affectionately referred to as "the fake mayor" around town, @jaxmayorbrown pokes fun at the real mayor and city government in general through his witty tweets. One of the most interesting aspects of this parody account is the fact that only a handful of people know the person behind it (and, no, I am not one of them).

Though his real identity remains a mystery (we do know he's a him), the fake mayor did agree to an exclusive interview with The Specktator — via e-mail, of course. 

What are the most pressing issues facing our city?
How to reach the next level. How to become more effective and efficient.

What do you think is the biggest misconception about Jacksonville — by residents and the rest of the country?
Misconception? Hold on … let me grab my dictionary.

What do you consider the most significant barrier to Jacksonville's growth and becoming a world-class city?
Mayor Brown doesn't see barriers, only opportunities.

Why did you choose to make such a big investment in Downtown?
In order to reach the next level, we need a vibrant downtown. One that is a destination, not a pass-through.

Do you plan to run for re-election?
I thought I was mayor for life. Is that not the case?

Would you consider running for governor?
I fully expect a "draft Mayor Brown" movement. What Floridian doesn't want to take our state to the next level?

Any interest in applying for the pope gig?
Catholics from all over the world have asked me to throw my mitre in the ring. Naturally, they want to take their church to the next level.

What's with all of the sports events coming to town lately?
Jacksonville was built on sports, and Mayor Brown will be remembered as the sports mayor.

What's your opinion of Shad Khan and the Jaguars in general?
I love Mr. Khan! There are 2.5 billion reasons to love that man. I love the Jaguars, particularly riding to the games in my motorcade and hanging out in the skybox.

How do you think being a meat cutter at Winn-Dixie prepared you for your role as mayor?
As disgusting as making sausage is, it pales in comparison to dealing with Don Redman and Matt Schellenberg.

How much weight have you gained since taking office? What's up with that?
I've gained some muscle from trying to lift our city to the next level. When I look in the mirror, I see Terrell Owens.

Why are you so obsessed with Slurpees? And what's your favorite flavor?
They remind me of myself … a mouthful of awesome. My favorite flavor is "Purple for the People."

How do you like your constituents to refer to you?
I'm a very humble man … "Mayor Brown" will suffice.

Why do you refer to yourself in the third person?
How else would Mayor Brown refer to Mayor Brown?

What do you like to do in your spare time?
Attend church and play basketball. My attire is the same for both, so that makes it convenient.

If you could "give a hand" to three people in Jacksonville, who would they be and why?
Myself (obvious reasons), Jesus Christ (see above), Peter Rummell (see above)

Michelle, Malia and Sasha Obama are frequently in the limelight. Why don't we ever see the First Family of Jacksonville?
Santhea has more dirt on me than Michelle has on Barack.

What is your personal motto?
"If you believe, you can achieve!"

Last book you read? Favorite food? Favorite movie?
Holy Bible (KJV, baby!). Anything they serve me in the Mayor's Booth at The Brick. "The Passion of the Christ."

What is something that would surprise people to learn about you?
That I occasionally enjoy attention. Totally counter to my humble nature.

What actor would play you in a movie about your life?
Terrell Owens, although I'm not sure if he has the looks or build to pull it off.

How would you describe yourself in three words? How would your staff describe you in three words?
Humble, brilliant, handsome. My staffers see me the same way if they know what's good for them.